Wieners Gone Wild!: Out-of-the-Ballpark Recipes for Extraordinary Hot Dogs by Holly Schmidt, Allan Penn
My rating: 5/5 cats
welcome to june project! JUNE PROJECT IS OVER!!
this was going to be a 2-books-in-one project, along with Haute Dogs: Recipes for Delicious Hot Dogs, Buns, and Condiments, but cooking projects are not easy to do one-a-day, and i found 22 recipes i wanted to use in this one alone that were much more appealing than the ones in that other book, so i axed it. i probably won’t even get to all 22 because it is HOT and i am weary and busy, but i will try to do as many as possible. LGM.
because of the nature of this book, be prepared for many LGM jokes as well as many related sophomoric giggles regarding the word “wiener.” i am what i am.
regular blah blah caveat about this review floating to your BRAND NEW CLUTTERED FEED many times throughout the month as i post new recipes. again, i am what i am.
HOT Dog
for this one, i had to make fried jalapeño rings
make a rub out of cayenne, paprika, garlic powder and chili powder (and then rub it deeply into the wiener LGM)
make a sauce out of mustard and sriracha
make a mixture of butter and tabasco in which to toast the buns (i had to do mine on the inside bc i couldn’t find the right kind of buns to outside-toast)
ta-daa!
and oh – it was HOT, no doubt.
Boston Terrier
this one is like a bizzaro world beans n’ franks, where the beans are on top of the franks. is mindblowing!
the yellow stuff you see peeking out is the irish whiskey mustard, to which sean of the house generously contributed some of his bushmill’s.
me, i just enjoyed a sam adams, because boston.
Porked
okay, suckas – this one is gonna make your eyes drool… it’s a hot dog covered in pulled pork, mac and cheese, and barbecue sauce. in this book, this line frequently occurs: recipe follows or store-bought. ladies, gents, as time-and cash-strapped as i am right now, anytime it tells me i can use already-made items, i am going to do just that. in a perfect karen, things would be different, but i am far from a perfect karen. so thank you jack daniels, for making premade pulled pork and thank you kfc for your delicious mac and cheese and thank you heinz for your bbq sauce. you made things much easier, and also much less freaking hot in my apartment.
winner so far. as expected.
Derby Dog
here, i had to make bourbon mustard (not to be confused with the irish whiskey mustard i made for the boston terrier). this isn’t really a bourbon household, so i had to buy a teeny tiny bottle of bourbon to make it. CUTE!
so here they are – bourbon mustard, raw onion, and some sweet potato fries. and despite sean of the house’s grousing about “i don’t liiiike sweet potato fries,” he ate it up pretty damn quickly, so we all learned a lesson today. or last night, if you want to be a stickler for details.
Junkyard Dog
this one has the best directions: Heat the chili by dumping it in a bowl and microwaving it for a couple of minutes, or dumping it into a saucepan and warming it on the stovetop.
i enjoy dumping. (and after eating this one, boy – there was some dumping…) this one has canned chili, velveeta, bacon bits, and canned fried onions, which i experienced for the very first time with this recipe, despite being so white trash and all. this was a very delicious and goopy hot dog. i approve!
Caesar Dog
sharp-eyed observers and people with nothing better to do will notice that this recipe was not one of the ones i originally selected. however, sean of the house was flipping through the book and got a little drooly over this one, so here we are! this one involves many tiny steps, but is worth it. and yes, i did make my own caesar dressing for this one – with extra anchovies.
i got to feel like a proper chef – with multiple things going on the stovetop
(yes, my stovetop needs to be cleaned – don’t judge! i have many jobs and little free time!)
while in the oven below, this garlic bread was happening:
but this is the real revelation:
if you throw parmesan cheese on a pan, you can make little cheese rounds for tasty snacks!
even better when you wrap them around hot dogs!
and then toss them on your garlic bread with some greens soaked in caesar dressing
looks pervy, tastes delicious.
Fifi
this is the first one i’ve had to butterfly – FANCY! so this is just dog and toasted baguette and coarse brown mustard
and then you cover that all up with the brie you managed not to eat while you were waiting for the bread to toast, and some pâté (that sean will pick off of his), and some fried leeks.
mmmm goopy brie…
Nacho Mama’s Dog
here is a montage of this delightful hot dog, as one ingredient is layered upon t’other…all we need is a song for the montage. hmmmm – okay, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJIqn…
Paella Dog
this one is made with chorizo, which jason would surely declare is NOT a wiener, but i’m not a wiener purist, so i’m okay with it. it is also made with sub rolls instead of hot dog rolls, which were a little too big for my chorizos; the biggest i could find
(and can we just take a moment to marvel at how few dick jokes i have made during this project?? ME!! me, who will make a dick joke with zero provocation twenty-five times a day. and yet here i’m really dropping the ball. [ball jokes do not count as acceptable substitution for missed-opportunity dick jokes] and barely any LGMs. i’m a failure)
but i’m a failure who made her own sofrito, so BOOM
Rasta Dog
this is another recipe that required me to do some good old-fashioned wiener rubbing. it was kind of a mess; my rub was not a paste that way it was meant to be, it was a bit too liquidy, so it kept falling off, but it tasted pretty damn good. and that orange glop is a curry mustard, which is probably something i will make again for different foodstuffs.
and then you get to cover it all in fried bananas. i messed these up, too – i put them in the oil before it was hot enough so it was kind of a disaster, but i know how to make them properly for next time, at least. sean was all grumbly about not wanting bananas on his, but once he tasted them, he gobbled down those wieners LGM.
Soul Dog
these were amazing. here are the wieners covered in my (somewhat goopy) cheese grits.
but THEN, you get to cover them in a mixture of fried onions, barbecue sauce, and crumbled bacon and THIS is definitely something i will make again. what an amazing combination! i ate a bunch of it plain with a spoon. it would be wonderful on top of everything, i reckon.
BLT Dog
this one was fun because i got to wrap my wieners! in bacon! which does not prevent against STDs, so as far as wiener-wrapping goes, you may want to find an alternative.
then i got to make some garlic-peppercorn aioli, which was delicious, and toss on the L:
followed by the T:
all under the close scrutiny of maggie, who is hoping there is cat food in one of these recipes. View Spoiler »
Apple Pie Dog
this one was a bit of a mess. it started out fine – i made a tasty mixture of sautéed apples and onions with thyme:
and a sauce of dijon mustard, honey, and freshly grated ginger
but i’m not in the mood to be making my own piecrust, so i just bought some frozen ones, as the recipe allowed. but it wasn’t an easy thing to manipulate that dough around these dogs, and it ended up looking like some FRANKenstein nightmare:
especially after they were baked
but they tasted good! here is a cross-section:
which is totally lurid-looking and makes me want to share one of the quotes in this book:
while crowing lustily: LGM!!!
Sloppy Dog
this one was a bit more involved than some of the others, but worth it. first i made my meat mixture with all sorts of spices and veggies (including some leftover tomatoes from the BLT one. yeah, i went rogue):
i buttered and panfried my rolls
insert wiener:
cover with grated muenster cheese and raw peppers
i am somehow not sick of hot dogs yet.
Thanksgiving Dog
who doesn’t like thanksgiving leftovers? even when they’re not, strictly speaking, leftovers and more like “fake lazy thanksgiving in june,” using stove top stuffing, jarred gravy, and canned cranberry sauce. (and let’s be perfectly honest – although i have made elaborate, 8-course thanksgivings for the past seven years or so, i have never ever bothered making my own gravy or cranberry sauce because that’s just time taken away from making way too many other, more exotic recipes involving various root vegetables) but STILL – this is a very lazy version of thanksgiving. the pilgrims would shame me for sure. they are so judgey. but anyway, here is a hot dog smooshed in the middle of thanksgiving staples (ouch!): stuffing, gravy, and cranberry sauce, served up on some cornbread. which – silly me thought would be a genius idea to bake on a baking sheet so it wouldn’t be too thick and hard to make a sammich out of, and then i got all caught up in binge-watching scandal, so i left it in too long and it got dry and crispy. damn you, olivia pope!
Identity Crisis Dog
this is a hot dog wrapped in a hamburger. minds = blown
first, you make this grilled tomato-chile relish
psst, there’s a hot dog in the middle of that!
than you cook it all up
cover it with cheese (i had some leftover monster cheese from the last recipe, so i added that to the mix, and also some leftover lettuce. waste makes waste!)
then some scallions and relish
this thing is HUUUUGE
but look – secret hot dog!
Lasagna Dog
calling this one a wiener seems a bit dishonest. this one involves sausage (i used both hot and sweet), but i’m not gonna lie – it was a nice change.
so, first you make this mixture with ricotta, garlic, basil, parmesan etc and smear it all over a cooked lasagne noodle
add mozz cheese
then roll it around the wieners sausages so they’re all tucked in and safe
add cheese
bake until delicious
i’m only going to have time for one more recipe this month. i forgot to take into account how my appetite shrinks in the heat and several days i have been to exhausted to cook or even eat anything. i’m falling apart over here. but my sausage roll-ups did not fall apart at all. #silverlining
Tiki Terrier
LAST ONE! for this one, you first marinate your wieners. LGM in her hoo-ha.
and then you make a yummy grilled pineapple salsa
i left some of the nice garlic chunks from the marinade on my dogs because i am not wasteful
and LO!
the last wiener. eaten while watching shark week. a very good day.
THE END!!
sadly, these recipes were planned, but went unmade:
Chicken-and -Waffle Dog
German Shepherd’s Pie
Quesadilla Dog
Chi-Wow-Wow
Phyllo Fido
your turn.
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