monsterporn and offbeat erotica


Sex TrainSex Train by Scott Rex
0 Stars

this is what i look like when i am drunk:

and this is how i review when i am drunk:

dear goodreaders:

it has come to my attention that there are over one million books being offered on nook for free. FOR FREE! ONE MILLION!

and keeping in mind the success of self-published/fanfic masterpieces like Fifty Shades of Grey, Angelfall, and Wool, i have taken it upon myself to find the Next Big Thing amongst these titles.

therefore, i will be reading as many of these as i can, to uncover the hidden gems, and passing along my findings to you. yes, you!!

will they all be awesome?
am i going to pick most of them just because their covers or titles make me laugh?
very likely, indeed.

this is the sixteenth book in the project.

okay, so i am breaking my “january is lady month” streak to review this book because 1) i am wicked drunk and read this on the train home because i knew i wouldn’t be able to focus on the book i was actually reading and 1a) i didn’t want to review the megan abbott book in this condition because she deserves better and 1b) while it would be perfectly acceptable to review The Horny Games Trilogy drunk, it was a present, and i feel like presents deserve a sober review. these are my etiquettes.

so this book is about a dude who sits next to a girl on the train and although he tries to be a good passenger, she is wicked hot and he can’t help but notice how she keeps jutting her chest out and bending over so she’s showing her red thong and before he knows it, he is totally having sex with her in his seat while the couple across from them becomes inspired by them and starts having sex in their seats and the lady who takes the tickets is having sex with like two dudes and it is a fucking SEX TRAIN!!! power of suggestion and all. and there are fluids flying everywhere and it is probably really distracting for the people who are just on the train to go from one place to another and are just TRYING TO READ THEIR BOOKS AND NOT GET HIT WITH ALL THE FLYING JIZZ AND HPV. but whatever. sometimes you are traveling and your train turns into a sex train #firstworldproblem yadda yadda.

and so i read this on the train and no one had sex near me or on me or with me, and i cannot tell you how grateful i was for that, because despite what hollywood would have you believe, the 7 train is not known for its hotness, unless you are turned on by those medical masks that elderly asian women wear. i have never seen anyone having sex on it, not ever.

also, i am probably too kertrunken to be on the computer right now, so scott rex, if you feel i am being a bully by not giving your book a review with all of my critical faculties intact, feel free to report me to that site that is so fucking desperate for content that they equate “i don’t like this book” with “this author should die a thousand deaths.”

that’s all i got. i’m sorry this wasn’t a fun drunk book report – just nonsense rambling. but i am such a bully i don’t even have to apologize. SEX TRAIN!


greg took pictures of me drunk tonight. i assume they are adorable and he will add them to the thread. me, i’m going to go lie down until the spinning stops. FREE WINE FTW!

read my reviews on goodreads

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