Deceptive Desserts: A Lady's Guide to Baking Bad!Deceptive Desserts: A Lady’s Guide to Baking Bad! by Christine McConnell
My rating: 5/5 cats
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this is a cookbook written by a lady whose life is made up of equal parts glamor and horror:

she cavorts saucily in her yard with fuzzy animals:

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but is assailed by tentacles in the supposed safety of her own kitchen:

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this is a cookbook i bought for myself that i will probably never use, but i LOVE looking through it and imagining i am the kind of person who would make these things.

because how awesome would i be if i showed up at a potluck with a pile of kitten cannolis?

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answer: i would be the most awesome. of all time.

and how luxurious would it be to have the kind of free time to make funnel cake shaped like a tornado?

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answer: very luxurious.

the recipes themselves don’t look complicated, but they do require finesse in their construction, and a certain artfulness that’s gotta be time-consuming. one does not just casually make serpentine cinnamon rolls, after all.

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i mean, unless you’re this lady:

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who apparently majored in awesome in school.

the recipes aren’t all animal or horror or horrific-animal themed, but those are the ones that interest me most:

crab cakes

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chocolate squid gelatin with a brownie base

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tarantula cookies

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a freaking facehugger cookie

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perfect for terrorizing cats

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speaking of cats. there are lots of cat-shaped treats here.

angel food coconut cat cake

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caramel popcorn cat

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there’s a freaking popcorn ball under all that! with chocolate pretzel spider legs! the mind reels!

and then there are scream berries.

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way to make a girl feel inadequate, ms. christine mcconnell…

there’s even something for greg:

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i love this book, i admire this lady, and i’m free to attend any dinner parties she might want to throw in queens. because we sure could use some elegant peppermint bark bonsai up in here…

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read my book reviews on goodreads

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this feels gauche, but when i announced i was starting a blog, everyone assured me this is a thing that is done. i’m not on facebook, i’ve never had a cellphone or listened to a podcast; so many common experiences of modern life are foreign to me, but i’m certainly struggling financially, so if this is how the world works now, i’d be foolish to pass it up. any support will be received with equal parts gratitude and bewilderment.

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