Mini Grocery Store by Klutz
My rating: 5/5 cats
WELCOME TO FEBRUARY PROJECT! FEBRUARY PROJECT IS OVER!!
this will probably *not* be a one-a-day project, but i’m going to do the best i can. TINY FOODS! MADE OF CLAY! WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
this is my first time using air-dry clay, so i did not realize how long these little guys would need to dry. i started the project last night, but they were not ready for their close-ups until today. i mean, TBH they’re still not ready for their close-ups, because learning curve, but go easy on me.
MINI FOOD #1: TOMATO
you will need:
here are the instructions in the book, which rossdavidh can assess for clarity
their finished product:
my first attempt:
nailed it!
soooo, a few things i learned about air dry clay: some of them are like regular clay and some are very sticky and liquidy and stick to your fingies like marshmallow fluff. i’m not sure if there are better quality clays out there (and i am going to need to buy more to finish this project because i’m already almost out of green), but the two i used for this one were inconsistent in texture, it was difficult to not get my fingieprints all over it, it turned out lumpy and there are creases in the tomato body. the stem and leaves are just no, and the instrument provided to make the little guy’s smile smooshed the whole face in like it was sucking a lemon so i had to reconstruct the face part while trying to retain body-roundness and keeping the green parts…well, scratch that—the green parts were loss from the get-go.
i try again:
slightly better. i’m hopeless at making leaves, apparently, and i think this one had a stroke, but it’s sort of an improvement. maybe?
third time for charm:
okay, so i will never be a leaf-sculptor, but i think i got the body part down. or as down as it’s gonna get for now if i want to have enough clay to keep going. also, this shit dried out really fast—i had little ziploc baggies ready to put the clay into after i finished, but by the time i’d made my three tomato boys, the green was already stiff and unworkable.
here are my poor misbegotten tomatoes:
can you tell which ones i made? can you spot the interloper?
i can only improve from here!
MINI FOOD #2: BROCCOLI
theirs:
mine:
this one came out much better! i’m still struggling with the texture/consistency of the dough, but i think a few more of these and i’ll be ready to open the cutest little grocery store in queens!
my broccoli brings all the bugs to the yard…and also a turtle.
**PROJECT UPDATE: i have obtained additional clay, because there is not enough in this kit, and now i have plenty of green so phew!
i also picked up a bunch of these to use for eyes, because the kit is also stingy with the eyeballs and these are very glam:
MINI FOOD #3: TOAST
theirs:
at some point i may go back and try some of these extra-credit ones, but for now, here is mine:
because butter is good, but extra butter is best.
i don’t think he’s too bad. a little wrinkly, for sure, but i’m pretty impressed with myself for getting the crust to stick just so, and for day three, it is not a bad effort.
the carb cats agree and tuck in to devour him:
MINI FOOD #4: CHICKEN DRUMSTICK
theirs:
mine:
he’s not bad, right?? i’m not messing with the glowy cheeks, nor am i going to use the bowties or other cardboard accessories that come in this kit. although they might come in handy for covering up rough patches. not that any of mine have rough patches. koff.
and here is a meal i made for my new boyfriend, johnny handsome, with very special thanks to chloë for matchmaking us!
MINI FOOD #5: SHRIMP
theirs:
and, once i master this skill and am ready to show off
but for now, baby steps:
kit supplies little cardboard tail-pieces, so i did use a “prop” this time, and i made such a mess of his little shrimp-chin, i should probably have devised a beard or something. if anyone has tips for smoothing this clay without totally smooshing it, i’m all ears. my food pals are all creases and lines and fingerprints and the kit (for ages 6&up) offers no advice.
although the right lighting smooths all blemishes:
and even the grievously malformed can find love at my house:
draw the blinds…
MINI FOOD #6: WEDGE OF CHEESE
theirs:
i only did one cheese, but SOMEDAY i will try to marble. for now…
pro-tip: if you use a glossy pedestal, you can make it look like you made more than one!
but beware—undead rats may be summoned:
MINI FOOD #7: PINEAPPLE
theirs:
mine:
this is the first one i used my dollar-store-sparkle-eyes on, and also the first i made with a sadface instead of a smile. i still can’t seem to get the hang of making leaves, but that’s not why this little guy is sad. do you want to know why he is sad? wait for it….
because he used the wrong pine-apple dating app!
(pause for uproarious laughter) this joke only lands if you forget that those were meant to be tomatoes, but if you do, BOY, that is comedy gold. and since you’re already accepting that the outside of a pineapple is yellow, you should be gasping with laughter right about now. MY WORK IS DONE!
and if you were wondering if this photo shoot nearly ended in tragedy, you’d be right.
MINI FOOD #8: EGGPLANT
theirs:
mine:
someday i will learn how to make leaves. mine are all thick and wonky and whenever i try to adhere them to the food-friend, i end up smooshing the whole thing and then i have to refashion it with a great deal of hollering and rending of garments. IS THIS HOW GOD FELT MAKING US?
in any event, i made an eggplant. and, like any parent, i’m a little concerned about the company he’s started to keep. they all kinda look like dicks to me:
MINI FOOD #9: CORN ON THE COB
theirs:
theirs when they’re showing off:
aaaaaand mine:
i don’t know why he photographed orange, but it kinda makes him look like bojack’s seahorse baby:
my corn is weird and deformed, but he could one day star in a horror movie full of mix-ups and mutants and monsters and make me very proud:
MINI FOOD #10: LETTUCE
theirs:
they made a CAULIFLOWER!!!
mine:
why does mine look EVIL?? he even looks like he’s rubbing his little lettuce hands together with wicked INTENT!
i sure did.
MINI FOOD #11: FROZEN PIZZA
theirs, basic:
theirs, fancy:
you should know by now that i am gonna be 100% basic bitch until i get the hang of this clay. i don’t court failure.
mine:
what’s in the booooooox?
IS US!
MINI FOOD #12: FROZEN WAFFLES
theirs:
>
mine:
i tested their paper-syrup-toupee
‘oh. hai, can i come over and play?’
‘NO! you look like flat E.T.! get in the stinkbox with fizzgig and salacious crumb!’
waffles are assholes.
MINI FOOD #13: SPIRAL HAM
theirs:
pineapple show-offs!
mine, side view:
front:
oof, that’s a giant bone. LGM. and those red eyes may have been a mistake.
DEMON HAM!
MINI FOOD #14: PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY
theirs:
and all the other condiments you could make, if only they gave you enough “jar forms.”
mine:
and, yes, i made skippy, because that’s the only peanut butter i acknowledge.
these pals found a land filled with others of their kind, where the sun is a pizza pie! (but not the pizza pie i made)
MINI FOOD #15: T-BONE STEAK
theirs:
mine:
instead of suffocating my poor steak and preserving his smiling corpse for eternity, as they cruelly suggest, i opted to recreate a pivotal scene from Bunnicula, in which chester gets carried away:
and harold gets a steak:
100% accurate:
MINI FOOD #16: SANDWICH
theirs:
mine:
mine is a sloppy sandwich made after a night out drinking but it tastes JUST AS GOOD as their tidy swimsuit model one.
the bread is chunky and the tomato looks like a little tongue
begging the question—is this romance or is this lunch?
CHOMP! lunch it is.
MINI FOOD #17: CUTIE NOODLES
theirs:
mine:
this is the one i was most excited to make when i bought this book. and i only realized JUST NOW that i put his face in the wrong place because i was so excited to make him and so proud of myself for blending TWO different clays together to make those noodles noodle-colored.
this is the first time i used the little pinky cheek-rounds that come with the kit, but i didn’t use any of this guy’s additional frippery because i don’t like the way the cardboard looks with the clay. i could make my own tiny chopsticks that would look better and last longer than the tragic, doomed-to-tear ones in here, and that lid is just asking for it. where “it” is “being smooshed.” once i become more skilled with the clay (oh and n.b.—white clay is NOT a forgiving mistress), maybe i will make my own mixed-media projects and everyone will cheer. for now, forkies using chopsticks? WHAT IS THIS WORLD??
UPDATE: i DID make it right after all! there were TWO different pictures, and i used the correct one for the no-label option. PHEW!
MINI FOOD #18: MILK AND JUICE
theirs:
mine:
strawberry milk and lemonade; two great tastes that do NOT taste great together. except to drinky crow. that guy’ll drink anything for oblivion.
DOOK! DOOK! DOOK!
MINI FOOD #19: CEREAL
theirs:
mine:
i can’t really get the hang of “straight edges” or “how to affix parts onto the whole without smooshing,” but these came out better than expected. oh, and before you go giving me ANY credit for structure, the PBJ, cup o’ noodles, milk & juice, and cereal boxes are all made of clay wrapped around styrofoam forms included in the kit. one with fingers more nimble than i could probably make these without such crutches, but…you saw my sandwich. ’nuff said.
to wrap this project up, i decided to take everything that i had learned and bring it all back to the beginning with a MINI FOOD REBOOT
take two, TOMATO:
i mean, that’s not bad, right? it kind of looks like a podling, (and YES, that is the THIRD dark crystal-related comment in this thing but i am becoming old and clinging to nostalgia)
anyway, here it is, scientists, THE EVOLUTION OF A TOMATO:
here are some little friends ready for adventure!
that’s the end of little pals i made from the book, but i made two additional clay-thingies and here they are!
MINI FOOD OFF-ROADING:
CLEMENTINE!
this is the best round-thing i have made, and i did it by using the entire bag of clay. all the instructions in this book involved pinching off a bit of clay and rolling it into a ball, and i could never do that without creating one or several seams from the breaking-off point that REFUSED to incorporate into the ball. big balls are better. lesson learned.
these are also my best leaves to date:
and finally…
ME! ME OF CLAY!
those sparkling blue eyes and rosy cheeks, that tiny nose, and big ears
that…uneven back-of-hairline
IT’S ME AND NOW I CAN FIT IN MY OWN POCKET!
THE END!
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