monsterporn and offbeat erotica

YIELDING TO DRAGONS – MANDOLINE CREME

Yielding to Dragons (Monster Hunter Conquest, #7)Yielding to Dragons by Mandoline Creme
0 Stars

review #1 of 3

so here’s the thing. my seeecret monster erotica valentine in my seeecret monster erotica reading group gave me a threesome for v-day, all featuring the same character as she sets out to fight and kill monsters, but ends up sleeping with them all instead. oopsie!!

and this is the first.

of the three, it is the most vanilla monster encounter, so this review will probably reflect that, and not be my favorite ever, but stay tuned, because the third one is the one i am looking forward to writing the most, and was definitely the one i was looking forward to reading the most.

but this one is important to set the stage.

siena rovan hunts monsters.

Young, cocky, and full of the bravery often found only in fools, the blonde considered herself a true master of her craft.

how this is possible is mind-boggling, unless by “craft,” she means getting sexed all over by monsters. because these are not the only three books in this series. siena is truly the worst monster hunter ever. all she does is talk tough at the monsters and then somehow end up all naked and intercoursed-with.

and she tries, she really does. she has at least one instance of monster-hunting street smarts:

The air was oppressive, making her already tight clothes seem even more constraining. Soon, she was fighting the desire to remove her top, knowing only that it would leave her too exposed to her prey if she gave in.

good for you, siena! learning from your mistakes is one of the surest ways to stay successful as a monster hunter!

but, really, who is she fooling?? she is totally going to boink that dragon, because she is pretty terrible at the hunting.

her weapons might be part of the problem

because while “a blade as thin as her” sounds good,i guess, in reality that is a pretty thick blade. unless she is two-dimensional. oh, shit, wait – that actually explains the writing – never mind.

oooh, buuurrrnnn!!

actually, no – the writing is actually quite charming, but the things that make it so are the most pronounced in the second book, so i will probably wait to talk about that in the second review.

for this one, i will just focus on the intercourse, if that is okay with everyone? intercourse? everyone?

this one is a bit of a tease, for true fans of monsterotica.

because while technically, it involves a shadow dragon and a human girl, the dragon can shapeshift, and if there is one thing i know about fans of monsterotica, they HATE shapeshifters. it is a cop-out. but it does manage to bring the dragon down to a more reasonable scale for intercourse (hahaahahah get it – SCALE!!!??? hahahahaa),and into a human shape with hands and stuff, but he does still get to have wings and dragon-teeth and… well, scales. but don’t worry, his intercourse-maker is still a fearsome size.

and, to be fair, he does pleasure her as a full-on dragon before the old traditional intercourse as a half-man, half-dragon, and he uses his dragon-tongue and tail for friction and delight, and when the monster hunter… reaches the apex of her pleasure, The flood of juices were audible…, which i guess is something girls want?? audible juicing?? i suppose it depends on the nature of the audio. because “wet boot-noise” is kind of gross, but so is “pasta flung against the wall” or “leaky bathroom faucet.” i’m not really sure what kind of juice-noise i personally wouldn’t find humorous, but that is because i lack imagination. apparently, chicks dig audible juice.

so, i mean, it is fine for those of you who read this for the intercoursing: the monster hunter is suitably pleasured and the dragon seems to enjoy himself as well. not a whole lot of pillow talk, but that’s shadow dragons for you

for those of us who read this for the giggles, there is not a whole lot of opportunity. because it is more or less human-on-human action, it’s like whatever. and there is only one instance of a comically-omitted hyphen which made me chuckle:

The angular turn of his jaw gave him a sharp visage, which his high forehead and tightly wound back hair didn’t help.

other than that – meh. perfectly fine.

but trust me – the next two are amaaaazing.

dear title: there was only one dragon.
dear cover: those panties don’t look crimson to me!

details, baby, details!
one does not win the nobel with inconsistencies.

read my reviews on goodreads

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