monsterporn and offbeat erotica


His Human Cow: Bred for MilkingHis Human Cow: Bred for Milking by Arthur Mitchell
0 Stars

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the synopsis reads like if you were to sit a twelve-year-old boy down and tell him, “write me some erotica” (do i have to even say what a bad idea that would be, and that this is just an example and not an actual suggestion and please please do not sit down a twelve-year-old boy and ask him to write you some erotica) but i’m pretty sure this is close to what you would get. “and then her boobs got bigger and bigger and milk came out of them but she liked it and then they did it.”

this is my third lactation erotica. thank you and thank you. and it was lactation porn that led me into my “holy heck, what other kind of kink-porn is out there” experiments that have made me the porny giggle queen i am today.

so what is it about this one that is so off-putting??

maybe it’s the fact that it is a male author and reads like some bizarre male fantasy, while most of what i read is more along the lines of “what kind of wang does a chupacabra have??”

but, no, because let’s face it – half of y’all are dudes writing this under lady-names, right? this is something way more creepy.

basically, the gist of the story is that this girl who is having money troubles with apparently zero street smarts responds to an ad in the paper. Mallory had always liked science, which makes her susceptible to helping out the community any way she can. in her schooling, she decided to go into anthropology instead of organic chemistry, (see, so she’s smart! and she is also doing the crossword puzzle in the paper…of course, it is a paper that has advertisements like this, so it might be some sort of freebie pervert paper, but still – puzzles!) and she is “fascinated” by science. and this fascination gives her an edge and a deep understanding of how every experiment is conducted.

Contrary to most people, Mallory understood that the researchers took enormous precautions to ensure the safety of their patients.

so she sees an advert promising $50,000 for participation in a study for a drug to increase human milk production.

because this is a real problem in our society – all those starving babies, whimpering at the teat.

so this science-savvy woman walks into an office where there’s just this guy in his mid-thirties who is of course handsome and muscly and the first thing he says is “My, what a wonderful specimen” and no warning bells go off. and her first reaction is not outrage, as one would expect, but that infuriating “who, me?” attitude demonstrating low self-esteem.

He can’t mean me? Not with these love handles and hair that’s been rinsed by the cheapest shampoo I could find…

blink. blink.

and then he is already “clapping her shoulder,” which – warning bells! lady, you have just gone into an office alone with a strange man and he is already touching you and you know you are here for a “milk study” so there should probably be a lady present to prevent improprieties, yes?

He flipped across several slides, until he reached a set of cartoonish drawings. They showed a woman with her head tilted back, holding her arms up as her naked breasts hung like massive eggs, swollen and leaking whitish fluid. The figure was smiling.

where did that twelve-year-old boy go again??

but mallory, who loves science, is not turned off by the creepy nude doodles. nor the unprofessionalism. because now he is not clapping her on the shoulder, but

There was something oddly reassuring about the way Hughes touched her, his warm fingers delicately massaging her flesh.

that’s just what doctors do. anyone who is fascinated by science will tell you that.

so, whatever, mallory decides to take part in the experiment, right then and there, even though she will have to live on-site for an entire year starting right then. no calling her family or making arrangements with her rent or phone company, just write it all off and live here no questions asked. because not only is she getting the $50,000, but her living expenses will be paid for, too! so it’s cool to just drop everything and not worry about stopping her mail,or telling anyone where you are! this is money! for milk! what could go wrong?

okay, so we have all made strange decisions.

but, again, what kind of lady would write off a year of her life with no questions asked to live on-site with a strange man and no one else and be kept in a room where The mattress in her bedroom…was on the ground, without a frame to support it. There were no plates either, just enormous, low shaped bowls that looked more suitable for a pet to eat from than a person. The refrigerator had no food, but its shelves were completely filled with thick glass bottles, all of them empty.


so then he gives her some pills, which of course, she just takes, and he tells her that they are gonna make her boobs all full of milk and that she might find the sensation of being milked pleasurable. and then he winks.

because there is nothing creepy about a doctor talking about your boobs and then winking.

but mallory, who is fascinated by science, is not skeeved out by this. she orders takeout, takes the pills and goes to bed, It felt as though she had just made a positive decision for the first time in years.

oh, mallory. you dope.

and – lo! she wakes up with huge boobies, full of milk! and the first thing she does is go to the bathroom to admire them and squirt milk onto the mirror.

as you would.

and of course, it makes her totally hot.

and then the doctor comes in and stares at her boobies with excitement, and makes a statement that should really send mallory running, fascination with science or no:

“This is incredible…I didn’t expect any subject’s body to adapt to the substance this fast. It took the monkeys and cattle days to see results.”

good lord.

She shook her head, oddly excited by how close his face was as he leaned down, studying her naked breasts. Under any other circumstances, it would have been awkward, but she trusted him as a Doctor.

of course she did, because she is a moron.

and then he starts milking her. with his hands. flooding his palms with her milk. because that’s how a scientist would do it – just grabbing and letting the milk go all over the place because it’s not like it should be collected for examination or anything. and then… yup, suddenly he is using his mouth on her breast. but it’s okay, because she trusts him as a doctor.

and she is loving it.
because she is a moron.
and science is so fascinating.

and then there is dry-humping and she turns into a begging machine, telling him she will do anything for him. good lord, what is in those pills?

and then he makes a proposition.

and then his hands go where there should be no going, because THAT’S NOT WHERE MILK COMES FROM!!

and so then he comes back with a harness, and the whole thing gets sillier and sillier.

now, a quick word about submissives. i am not one. so it’s a situation i can understand intellectually, but not with my more mysterious bits. and if that’s your thing, more power to you – it must be very freeing to give yourself over to absolute pleasure, but there’s a point where one’s self-respect has to assert itself, right? and that point should be when you are in a harness with a man you have known for two days who has fed you strange pills and is milking you in what is, essentially, a sex dungeon. again – i’m not here to tell you how to live your life, but just – be alert, ladies, make smart decisions.

and now he gets bossier and bossier.

Mallory shuddered and sighed as he entered her from behind.

“Shhhh. Moments like this call for quiet, Mallory. Try to enjoy the natural rhythm building inside of us, and keep it from spilling away.”


Once, he dated a woman who was still lactating after the birth of her child the previous year. The way she orgasmed as he forced milk from her breasts left him with his own personal Madonna.

i think i missed that chapter of the bible.

so an unforseen side effect of the drug is that is makes girls real horny and have intense, clamping, orgasms. whoopee! science!

and “orgasm” becomes personified!

Orgasm manipulated their rustling muscles like puppet parts, demanding rough jerks and grimaces for its own amusement.


and then there is milk sloshing everywhere in this milking bucket (again – come on, science, be more sanitary!) and all over the mattress but it doesn’t matter because they have just had wonderfully blistering intercourse… for science!!

and don’t worry about mallory, she gets a reward!

He patted her with his wide palm, as if she had performed some great service.


and then he bails, leaving her in the sex dungeon to get out of her harness and clean up all the leakage. but at least she has her pride!

For the first time in her life, it felt as though she had found her calling.

oh, jesus christ, mallory.

I never imagined it would be something like this. I want him to milk me and hold me and never, ever let up. Is that really so sickeningly wrong?


and so it goes…

Mallory had gotten more sex in just three weeks than she had in six years. The Doctor’s motions grew more jagged, rougher and harder each time he took her. Most days, it was hard to tell where his dictates for the experiment stopped and where his orders in the bedroom began.

oh, i am pretty sure the experiment is over, kiddo.

cuz now we in stockholm land. and this is where it starts to be less funny-lighthearted-giggletimes, and it started to really start to bother me. up until this point, it can still be written off as a bawdy, silly story like any of the monster-porn stuff i like to have fun with. but there is a really dark turn here, and it starts turning from stupid fun into an SVU episode.

She shuddered with unease, but dared not oppose him. Just the thought of upsetting him, her only man, terrified her.

am i the only one getting queasy at this point?

cuz now she is producing milk constantly, her boobs are the size of small pumpkins, and she is spending all her time milking herself when he is not there to do it for her. she doesn’t bother wearing a shirt anymore, naturally, and is just living in this room, leaking. still fascinated by science, mallory?

“Hmmm… it’s getting very difficult to extract it all. My hands are getting sore, girl.” He chuckled and smacked her right breast, watching it dribble more milk as he backed away.


Are you sure this isn’t hazardous?” she asked, wincing at the darkness in Hughes’ eyes.

“Of course not,” he snapped.

oh, dear.

i mean, it’s a fair question, although perhaps asked a little too freaking late in the game. but it’s not funny anymore. i feel like i should pick up the phone.

but, of course, it’s already too late for her, psychologically.

She shook her head, trying to mine back the trust. It bothered her that she didn’t trust him fully. Hadn’t he done enough for her, showing more interest in her miserable existence than any man before?

these little erotica pieces are supposed to be fun, right?? because this isn’t fun. this is fucking terrifying. again, i am not privy to the mind of a submissive, but to me this kind of brutality is psychotic.

and then,on cue…the machine.

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now she is well and truly depersonalized.

Hughes looked in, his bright pupils flickering beneath his glasses. To his eyes, she rolled her head like a modern day Aphrodite, chained to his specially designed pleasure. Her lips drew apart wider as the device sucked, building its potent wind as he tapped the control panel again.

yup. that’s exactly how i picture the goddesses of classical mythology – with they tits clamped in a machine.

Ohhh! It burns! Please don’t turn it up again”

and naturally, because he is a sadist…

Mallory’s mouth became an oval that poured thick screams. At last, her breasts were running dry, but the suction was powerful enough to draw out everything from her deepest pockets. Her tissue quaked around her nipples. She fought to move away from it, but the harness held her locked in place, a prisoner to her keeper’s invention. The flames pouring into her through its suction only grew more intense, until she snapped her head back, sweating and warbling.

and now we are deep in torture-porn territory. i’m kind of frightened to think of who might still be getting off on this shit.

There. Doesn’t that feel much better, my beautiful cow?”

just ew.

but, naturally, she likes the appellation.

Mallory decided that being a cow might not be so bad, as long as she was his, the one and only human cow in his life.

goodness, i hope no other women signed up for this experiment. for so many reasons.

“One of these days we’re going to grab dinner together, ” he said, lightly stroking her arm. Hughes unlatched her from the wall and helped support her weight. Her knees were still weak from the intense milking, and it took real effort to drag her back to the living room, where the soft sofa waited for her.

She kissed him goodbye, praying that their relationship had turned a corner. Is it truly possible that I could get more out of this than the money I need?

That night, she took her pill, gratefully receiving the miracle drug that had brought so much change to her life. She never expected it to bring more transformations than she could imagine.

so many “ughs” here. i kind of feel like mallory at this point – this is not what i signed up for – i thought this would be hilarious, and instead i kind of want to puke.

and then…. you got it!! she is with calf!

we have passed erotic ages ago, and now we are on the deeply troubling story of a kidnapped woman used for offbeat sexplay and breeding.

Well? What’s happening?” She asked, staring pitifully up at the ceiling? Her nerves were shot, and the slow self-milking she did earlier was more of a nuisance than a delight. All she wanted to do was sleep.

but no sleep for cows!

Mallory had agreed to let him attach a chain to her collar just a few weeks after her announcement. It was his latest control kick, signifying the way he had come to dominate her. She allowed him to lead her through the apartment, naked on all fours.Sometimes, Hughes delighted in crushing up her Pi Lactate pills and putting them in her food dish. She lapped it up from her bowl on the floor. The drug was mushed into peach ice cream – a favorite that Hughes kept her well supplied with – and it made what should have been a humiliating task very easy.

“You’re so good, Mallory,” he told her, stroking the top of her head as she lapped her dosage from the floor.

this is the kind of shit quentin tarantino jerks off to.

If I can satisfy just this one man, with all my being, then I’ve achieved something. Is it sick that I want to be here forever, pumping out child after child for him?

everything about this is sick, sister…

If it wasn’t for him, where would I be? Stuck in some minimum wage office, no doubt, going home to my pathetic apartment and staring at the mounting bills, she thought with a sneer,

right, because being stuck in an underground bunker naked, pregnant, and on all fours at the mercy of some sick quack is so much more rewarding than paying your bills.

She rarely walked on two legs anymore, except when she had to. Instead, she clomped from bedroom to kitchen on all fours, bending her head down to the small trough of yogurt and fruit she had prepared earlier…As long as I’m his, it doesn’t matter what I am. Without his sanctuary, I never would’ve survived…something would have given sooner or later. But here I am, sound and happy, all beneath my master’s watchful gaze.

Mallory smiled, thinking of Hughes. His satisfied grin mattered more than the beautiful forests beyond the campus, or the concrete citadels, or paying her student debt on time. Satisfying him mattered more than mere survival, for it had formed the cornerstone of the only life she had ever wanted to lead.

what the fuuuuuuck? i am ready to start cracking skulls at this point.

I’m going to have enough to move you somewhere more permanent, with all of the milking machines we could ever desire.

oh, god, it is every little girl’s dream…

but the dehumanization is complete:

He’s done so much already…and now he’s doing more? He should be the one with the the reward, not showering it on me, serving the only life I can live so effortlessly…Mallory couldn’t believe that she had actually helped him. She, who had greedily sequestered herself in the room for months, listening to his orders, but always taking pleasure from them. It didn’t seem fair.

and i quietly vomit.

and i know that this is fantasy – that erotic writings aren’t meant to be a representation of reality and are supposed to be just escapes into possibility or whatever, but still – this is some sick-ass shit. i am usually really polite and laissez-faire about what you all do in your bedrooms, but this just goes so far beyond harmless fantasy into some really freaking tainted waters. take back the milk, ladies.

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stay far away from this one. also, the phrase “hardened balls” that he keeps repeating is not sexy at all.

oh, and i fucking love the author write-up:

His places and people aren’t always pleasant or pretty, but they are elegant and oddly alluring

i think we have grossly different ideas of what the word “elegant” means.

fuck this shit.

read my reviews on goodreads

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