monsterporn and offbeat erotica


The Gynecological VisitThe Gynecological Visit by Amber Rose Thompson
0 Stars

miss me, bitches???

dear goodreaders:

it has come to my attention that there are over one million books being offered on nook for free. FOR FREE! ONE MILLION!

and keeping in mind the success of self-published/fanfic masterpieces like Fifty Shades of Grey, Angelfall, and Wool, i have taken it upon myself to find the Next Big Thing amongst these titles.

therefore, i will be reading as many of these as i can, to uncover the hidden gems, and passing along my findings to you. yes, you!!

will they all be awesome?
am i going to pick most of them just because their covers or titles make me laugh?
very likely, indeed.

this is the fourteenth book in the project.

okay, let’s just make one thing perfectly clear – i had no idea this was porn. none. look at that cover! look at that implement!! how could i have known?? i mean, in what universe does that come across as a sexytime item?? that is a spiky pizza cutter! ow!!! i thought this was going to be some sort of horror-gynecological mishap! so, yeah, while i was unaware it was porn, it doesn’t make me sound any better to admit i hoped it was going to be splatter. either way, i’m a creep, right?

at any rate, it’s porn. girl on girl gynecological fiddling. basically, it’s a cautionary tale that reminds young girls to scour that little booklet you get with all your doctorly options so you don’t end up getting diddled when all you want is some freaking birth control pills. a doctor should not stick their fingers inside of you – your g-spot is none of their business.

although, i didn’t read the fine print. maybe it is now??? oh, obama – what you tell these doctors??

read my reviews on goodreads

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this feels gauche, but when i announced i was starting a blog, everyone assured me this is a thing that is done. i’m not on facebook, i’ve never had a cellphone or listened to a podcast; so many common experiences of modern life are foreign to me, but i’m certainly struggling financially, so if this is how the world works now, i’d be foolish to pass it up. any support will be received with equal parts gratitude and bewilderment.

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