that’s about how sexy this story was, to me.
and i feel awful. because it was my month to pick the book for the sexxy monsterotica reading group and i picked this one. and it’s pretty dreadful. in my head, i was like “yes!! a new monster!! i have never read fox demon porn – this is going to RULE!” but it did not rule.
and i had read three of her stories before, so i thought a good time would be had by all. and maybe i am just feeling less charitable than i was when i read her other three and called the errors “charming” and “like balki” but i’m not feeling charitable tonight, i guess. blame the humidity. so, with apologies, dear mandolin creme, please accept this gift:
and these ten advices:
1) these words mean different things:
2) and the fixation on eyes…
(that is all one character. who only has two eyes.)
3) and these are just silly phrasings. which in another mood, i might find “charming”
–opening his orbs
–the size of them was delicious
–those oculars burned into him
but today make me wince
4) Genuinely uninterested, the lean man adjusted the straps of his belt, as well as rolling down the sleeves of his navy jacket.
verb tenses – they like to agree
5) you do not need to capitalize the word following a semicolon.
every. single. time.
6) one does not “hear answers” in one’s “core.”
7) a frown is not a facial expression that one makes with one’s mouth
8) a very special distinction
different body parts.
sweat does not creep down one’s throat. unless one is licking someone sweaty. and no one should ever draw a finger “gently over the strong line” of anyone’s throat. that will make them regurgitate.
9) Embodying an air of mystery, of esoteric qualities and electric excitement…
yes, everyone likes a good alliteration. when the sentence makes sense.
none the less
compound words – please discover them.
oh, the sex?? nine-tailed fox-demon lady with a penchant for spanking intruders. you tell me.