monsterporn and offbeat erotica

MY STARBUCKS SECULAR COFFEE CUP FUCKED THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OUT OF ME – MANDY DE SANDRA

My Starbucks Secular Coffee Cup Fucked The Christmas Spirit Out of MeMy Starbucks Secular Coffee Cup Fucked The Christmas Spirit Out of Me by Mandy De Sandra
0 Stars

this book is definitely more bizarro than erotica, so if you are looking for a sexxy romance story between a human and a starbucks secular coffee cup in which the participants are View Spoiler », you may want to try Oppressed In The Butt By My Inclusive Holiday Coffee Cups. i haven’t read his yet, so i don’t know where it falls on the tru luv 4-eva spectrum, but i’m playing the odds that it’s moar sexxier than this one which doesn’t even start being porn until page 30/46 .

in the spirit of the season, i am turning this review space into an advent calendar, and at the crack of dawn each day*, you can gather your (18+) children around you and together ceremoniously uncover a meaningful phrase, a sentence, a paragraph from this fine holiday story to hold in the back of your mind as you go about your day, fulfilling your holiday obligations, and just kinda meditating on the words, letting them resonate within you, reminding you of the true meaning of the holiday spirit and the festive possibilities of two balls one cup.

december 1

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december 2

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december 3

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december 4

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december 5

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december 6

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december 7

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december 8

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december 9

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december 10

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december 11

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december 12

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december 13

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december 14

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december 15

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december 16

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december 17

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december 18

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december 19

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december 20

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december 21

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december 22

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december 23

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december 24

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december 25

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* or open them all at once – it’s your fucking advent calendar.

** wait, how are virgins producing breast milk? and while we’re in editor-mode, why are these “secular jews” requiring a kosher meal? which i am just realizing now makes no sense to those of you who haven’t read this since i haven’t actually used that part in the calendar – spoiler alert – but are all my jewish friends doing it wrong? isn’t jewish christmas why chinese restaurants were invented? why can’t you just put the ham in the fridge for, say, tuesday instead of throwing it away? why didn’t teresa take her husband’s name? am i asking the wrong questions here?

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