okay, so this is going to be my last monster erotica for a little bit. i like being a monster porn-dilettante – just taking a little journey into the world – seeing what the genitals of various creatures are like, in a purely scientific manner, and then moving on.
this one was a real eye-opener.
so, a girl picks up a guy at a party, but he turns out to be a real jerk (somehow, the frosted tips of his hair were not a clear enough indicator to her to stay away), so she decides not to have casual sex with him after all, but by this point, she is already nude and in a lake. i mean, who hasn’t been there, ladies, am i right?
so even though she has just met this guy, somehow this came up in the drunken flirtation conversation:
He knew I had a thing about fish touching me. Every time I swam in a lake, I worried about a little fishy mouth sucking on my toe. Just thinking about it gave me the willies.
OOOH FORESHADOWING!! SHE IS GOING TO GET A FISH-WILLIE, ALL RIGHT!
so, once she lets him know that “sexy fun times” are completely off the table, he ditches her, and her bikini is somewhere on the shore, and she’s all, “whatever – i’m just gonna swim around here in the nude by myself at night because what could possibly go wrong?”
this is poor decision number one.
poor decision number two is this:
she feels something brush her thigh under the water.
I shivered and moved my legs farther apart, trying to avoid whatever slimy things was touching me.
no, no, no. keep your legs together, girl! close that shop up!
poor decision number three:
Something slick touched the inside of my other leg, and I spread them further, floating gently against the rocks. Something about this was definitely weird, but it felt too damn good to investigate too closely.
girl, investigate that shit!
for a girl who doesn’t want a fish suckling her toe, she is very cavalier about her innermost depths.
and then… it happens. a fish does indeed start sucking her, but thankfully, it isn’t the toe she was so concerned about.
insert apocryphal led zeppelin story here…
and of course he whisks her away to his creepy fishman grotto and performs carnal attentions upon her that are more wonderful than any she has ever experienced with a mere man, and there is webbing and bubbles and gills and scratchy scales and sliminess. and his tongue is like an eel. it’s kind of the opposite of sexy, but who am i to judge?
but i can say that her pillow talk leaves something to be desired:
“Yes! give it to me hard, you creepy fucker!”
i mean, manners, dear. it doesn’t cost anything to be polite.
and then it’s all over, and they part ways, leaving only a scale in her butt crack to treasure from their time together.
but, and i don’t want to spoil it, she does intend to go back and try to reconnect, because once you go mack-eral, you never go back.
and that’s it! i’m out!