it has come to my attention that there are over one million books being offered on nook for free. FOR FREE! ONE MILLION!!
therefore, i will be reading as many of these as i can, to uncover the hidden gems, and passing along my findings to you. yes, you!!
will they all be awesome?
am i going to pick most of them just because their covers or titles make me laugh?
very likely, indeed.
this is the tenth book in the project.
so, okay, this one is my own damn fault. i selected this book from the available nook freebies because i thought it was going to be pooporn. because you can’t call a book “can chocolate” and not expect people to make that logical leap. and i thought it would give me scat-giggles and i could add one more dirrrrty feather to my cap. but no. this was not pooporn at all.
it was really gross.
now, you might say, “but karen, wouldn’t pooporn have been gross?”
well, yes, obviously, but poo is so far removed from my own voluntary sexual experiences that i could have approached it clinically, the way i do with all the monsterporn, and not have it color my own experiences. but this was just regular-people sex, not offbeat kink, and it reminded me just how gross sex can be when you’re not all shrouded in the endorphins that make it nice and not just a horrorshow of limbs and fluids and twitching.
erotica has never turned me on, but this one actually managed to turn me off.
here are some of the descriptive passages that made me a little pukey. i will put them in spoiler tags FOR TEH CHILDREN!! don’t click unless you are 18!! or ever want to have sex again.
stage setting: this is told from the POV of a woman who has fallen asleep nude on the beach, woken up to a couple playing the grown-up game, and joined in.View Spoiler »–They swapped my come between them four or five times before each swallowed it down.
–We both took it in turns to slide it gently into our open mouths and take as much of its shaft down our throats before we started gagging and spitting saliva all over it.
–I drooled on his dick and tried again
–She had a lovely red-rimmed asshole above a beautiful vagina. I spat on it and worked the hole with my tongue while Martin started to jackhammer my own ass. I spat on my fingers and gently opened Blondie’s crack.
–I put it in again, working it past the tight muscles and drooling on my second finger put that one inside too.
martin is in her bottom right now:
–I went hot and cold and felt my vagina about to squirt again as Martin got to the vinegar strokes and slipping his cock out of me put it into my eager mouth as his come exploded against the back of my throat, He groaned and leaning back emptied his balls into my mouth filling it with his white jizz. I rolled the love juice around my mouth as Blondie came to join me. She lay below with her mouth open as I slowly opened my mouth and let Martin’s come slide through my teeth and lips into her mouth, She grinned as she took it all and played with it in her mouth for some time before doing the same with me. This time she didn’t give me all of it back, but kept half for herself and poking out her tongue, which glistened with white come, swallowed it. She watched as I spat Martin’s load onto my breasts and licked it back off my erect nipples before swallowing it down as well.
–As he did so a jet of come erupted from my vagina and squirted high into the air falling onto his chest. -…sucking my tits and making the material wet with spit.
–Just before he came his gaze drifted away and he grunted as his white jizz exploded onto my face.
too many geysers, too much mess. too much drooling. and all on a bed of sand. think about the abrasions, my friends. « Hide Spoiler
and so now that that’s all over, i want to point out a few more things, mostly about personal health and safety.
ladies. falling asleep nude on a beach is never a good idea. waking up to two people going at it near you is awkward, and i know you think that joining in will make them less embarrassed, but it is not the best way to avoid venereal disease, especially when you guys are going to do that much fluid-play. (those of you 18+ clickers will understand just what i mean). and especially if you insist on going backdoor to mouth for completion and then sharing mouth-treasures with your new friend who is still a stranger, despite being all nude. and while we’re at it, i really feel that backdoor should be a period to your evening. sticking it other places after that is just asking for troubles.
one more adult spoiler moment, while we talk about the relativity of size.View Spoiler »so, first there is this quote:
My heart feels like it’s going to explode as I stick two fingers into my slippery, sliding vagina and imagine they are this guy’s massive cock opening me and ramming me right up to his balls.
which is fine if two fingers were the size of a “massive” cock. but then later, she says that Martin’s cock wasn’t too long but it was very thick.
but then later-later, she says it is 10 inches. which, i have been in some lady locker rooms and heard the tales, and that is considered above-average.
so my real question is – how big are these lady’s fingers that two of them would equal one massive cock, when a “not too long” cock is 10 inches??? mind. blown. « Hide Spoiler
and finally, two last observations.
Slowly he moved them in and out then speeded up, hammering them in and out like a machine gun.
not how guns work.
I quickly got a different tee shirt and hopped into a pair of knickers so he wouldn’t think I was a complete tramp.
this is, of course, after the threeway on the beach before names were even exchanged, with plenty of people watching. if people are gonna slut-shame you, it’s probably more cuz of that than the lack of knickers.
philosophical question:View Spoiler »if it’s shaved, is it still a “beaver?” « Hide Spoiler