Colortronic Animals: A Kaleidoscopic Coloring Challenge by Lark Crafts
My rating: 5/5 cats
WELCOME TO JULY PROJECT! JULY PROJECT IS OVER!!! i am starting this a day late because the book hath fewer pages than july hath days and i didn’t finish posting JUNE project until yesterday because summer. i promise there will be fun cooking projects in the near future, but i’m neither cooking nor eating when it’s this damn hot. maybe this is a lackluster project (although i love that the title contains the word “challenge,” elevating the mindless act of following directions about how to color animals into AN ACHIEVEMENT), but color-by-numbers is the exact speed for my brain right now. tell me what color goes where and i’ll try to stay within the lines and not sweat all over the page.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN? LET’S FIND OUT!!
a few days into this project i realized that all of these animals seemed to be judging me, so i went through my review-threads and gathered a sampling of comments from some of my most astute critics to caption these images; an endeavor that wasted a lot of time AND made me feel shitty about myself, but blessed are the humble, for they shall inherit the earth &etc.
i await my inheritance.
JULY 2:
okay, i didn’t realize those sneaky numbers would be jumping offa these critters like fleas, requiring the whole space AROUND the animal to be colored. this book is so huge, it’s gonna be a marker-massacre.
Your review sucks.
JULY 3:
this otter is so suspicious! i tried to avoid drying out my poor markers on this giant background by using colored pencil instead, but that just made my hand hurt. why is life so hard, you guys? why so much suffering? for me? with coloring?
This Woman here sounds mental to me considering she’s upset at a fictional 12 year old for his antics in a fictional World. I mean, really.
author’s note: this bitchy otter is sporting a hitler ‘stache, so i’m not taking his opinion of me to heart.
JULY 4:
this poor little mouse is a streaky, mangy beast, but many of you are drunk on fireworks and baked beans right now, so you probably won’t even notice!!
i’m pissy enough to feel the need to tell you that you are ridiculous
JULY 5:
ugh, it’s too soon in the project to have to face the judgment of a BIRD! glass houses, feathered mofo!
You really don’t know what you’re talking about do you…
JULY 6:
oh, i know exactly what this tiger is conveying with this gaze. and i’ve figured out how the rest of this project will be shaped, starting…..tomorrow.
okay, it is now tomorrow. i haven’t done today’s coloring, but i’ve gone back and changed the intro and captions to reflect the ALL NEW SCOPE of this project, which is a game called ‘goodreaders dunk on karen.’
This review is insensitive and offensive.
JULY 7:
i found the book to be really good in my opinion. i dont you should say it is horrible because everyone has their own opinions. some people (me) may think this book is excellent so your comment was irrelevant.
JULY 8:
you just hate reading in general, don’t you?
JULY 9:
I’m sorry but my questions, WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE? If you have ever written a persuasive paper you would know that this one is not very good. You don’t just throw your own opinion into your reasons. Ever heard of “Hit them with the facts”?
JULY 10:
This review is as long winded as a lot of books I could not get through. I could not even finish it. Why do people make reviews that are almost a novel of their own? Do they think that makes a better review? Well I guess nearly 200 do. But the lack of punctuation and capital letters alone ruined this one for me. Horrible review in my opinion.
JULY 11:
I hate you, everybody hates you. How can you ruin a book like this? Why would you read a book aimed at 13 year olds if you aren’t one, and then ass rape it backwards ? Why? Lauren said fuck you!
i gotta admit, this one hurt: my favorite animal saying such terrible things to me on the first night of shark week 2021? it’s tailor-made to WOUND me.
JULY 12:
Congratulations Karen. Your claim to fame will be that you made a foul mouthed statement about a great work of literary art. The mud that you threw is stuck all over your face.
This is a mountain of a book and sadly you didn’t get out of the cafeteria at the bottom.
Seriously, why does anyone bother to write such negative criticism apart from to inflate their own ego?
JULY 13:
I understand you don’t like th book, but that doesn’t mean you have to take such an immaturity on it.
JULY 14:
I hope you enjoy your narrow-minded and priviliged life.
i do and i AM and now please let me eat my cake in peace.
happy bastille day!!
JULY 15:
Take a look back at this string of messages, beginning with the initial review. And then ask yourself, “is that a contribution to the record or am I just an effing fraud?” If you think it’s a contribution, god bless your ignorant soul: you’re suffering from the Dunning-Kruger Effect. Or should I say prospering as a result of your suffering from the Dunning-Kruger Effect? Either way, you’re lucky that you’re a dimwit, and probably happier because of it. Though you’ll likely never be able to appreciate great literature
JULY 16:
it seems like you need a boyfriend
that one seemed thematically relevant, but i’m including a BONUS INSULT today, because i GOT one today! enjoy!!
Your anger about this book is obviously profound, and your over long review as annoying as apparently you found Maggie Nelson’s book. I found the book riveting and was never bored. Sorry you were so disappointed.
JULY 17:
although it seemed you liked the Book, I have no idea what you said. Don’t try so hard. Learn to comprehend what you read. And write so we can comprehend your viewpoint.
JULY 18:
How exactly was it familiar? Maybe when you’re writing a sucky review about a book, you shouldn’t go into so much detail when calling it familiar. It makes you sound stupid. Which you probably are. Have a good day!
JULY 19:
Wen u sae a buks trash and u can’t make a beter 1
JULY 20:
You’re a flipping sick person. What a flipping moronic plague upon mankind.
JULY 21:
I swear your one of the biggest haters around if you don’t like a book don’t spend time writing a big paragraph saying how much you dislike it as it show you clearly don’t have a life!
JULY 22:
I find this review ignorant. The reviewer clearly didn’t get it. I’d fail her.
JULY 23:
Review is trash. You probably computed this book in your mind the same way you see the people in this world through your warped rose colored glasses afforded to you by your privilege. Nothing is black and white in this world
JULY 24:
It’s very rare, but some books are above criticism, particularly the criticism of some random dude on good reads. Don Quixote is bigger than you, and your opinions on the book mean absolutely jack shit
JULY 25:
This review is tedious and too clever by half.
awww, they called me clever!
JULY 26:
This book is wonderful if your mind can’t comprehend it that’s not the books fault Its yours
JULY 27:
Your justa hater you probably has a crappy childhood relationship that makes you evil and has ruined your life forever. Phsycho
JULY 28:
this one looks a little bit like my #firstcrush, admiral ackbar, to whom i dedicate this scoff of a comment.
Indescribably funny that an idiotic female review of one of the finest books ever written, “The Known World,” devolves into a series of posts about good looking men.
When there’s nothing on E!, take some time to read this book a little more slowly and perhaps you’ll see the light. Actually, no you won’t. Forget the suggestion- just watch what’s on E!.
i mean, the thread also discussed garbage pail kids and pixie stix, but gabriel byrne was this guy’s line in the sand.
JULY 29:
we’re gonna need a bigger review space
How is this at all a review? Seriously, most of what you wrote here wasn’t even about the book in anyway. And, then, you barely even mentioned that you read the book or even had an opinion of it. This is precisely why I stopped reading your reviews and unfollowed you.
I read many of your more recent reviews when I was following you and none of them are what I would call reviews either, even in the loosest sense of the word. The reason I said anything is that, on your profile, you have these under your picture…
“#166 top reviewers
#1 best reviewers
#39 most followed”If you wrote actual reviews then that would be awesome, but considering that your reviews are really nothing more than comments about irrelevant people and situations, you’re really quite undeserving of those placements. And, this observation is coming from someone who has no desire to be in the running, but would like to read other people’s actual reviews.
Also, your responses to people who point these things out to you are even more amusing. I see that you (and your Goodreads friends, obviously) think very highly of yourself considering your popularity. My goal isn’t to get into a comment war with you or have your friends reply with comments that aren’t even about the intent of my original comment to begin with.
My goal, which should be plain by now if you read my original comment, is to ask that if you’re going to have those sorts of numbers and placements, write actual reviews. You don’t do so now, you apparently didn’t in the past, but if you’re at all interested in helping people decide whether a particular book you’ve read is good or not, then you certainly can in the future. There are so many people who write reviews on here but they lose the possibility of ever getting a deserving place in those rankings because you’ve written what I can only assume are hundreds of comments that have little to nothing to do with the books.
Now, hopefully there’s little question remaining about what my comments have been about and what you and your Goodreads friends get from them is exactly what I wrote.
#chastened
JULY 30:
since we are so quickly running out of time to honor those who have insulted me, here’s a round-up of comments by people who hate one specific thing about me, and you can just read ’em in different gorilla voices in your head. or out loud. as you like it.
You should write a book about your reviews…maybe then you’ll use capital I’s ( you’d probably be worried about people like yourself slaughtering your future book).
So, is your lack of correct grammar and punctuation on everything that you write suppose to be artistically ironic, or just an bad habit. I’m hoping it is the former.
Where are all the capital letters?
To Karen :your “i”should be capital letter
can you please use capital letters after full stops? Not doing so makes you look like a grammar challenged twelve year old and takes some of the impact out of your reviews.
Capitalization is hard.
I do not like to be critical of book reviewers. I appreciate them all, even if we have different opinions. A difference of opinion is what makes discussion rewarding. One suggestion however: there is a “shift” key on your keyboard that makes capital letters. Unless you are e.e. cummings, do not be so pretentious as to not use it.
because this book only contained 29 color-by-number animals, i had to draw my own for the final day of the project and i hereby dedicate this blotch-fox to GREG!
JULY 31:
closing out this project with another comment-roundup, celebrating my favorite covid-era phenomenon.
shut up Karen
Goodreads need positive reviewers, not hateful karens.
Don’t be a Karen, karen.
Karen is a fitting name for you.
LMAFO AN ACTUAL KAREN xD
lol classic karen
Holy shut up you Karen
lol ur a karen
u karen
Your name fits you
Wow! A real life Karen. And with so many friends. 5000 you say! Wow you must be super interesting
Oh wow your name is Karen. How fitting.
GOODBYE JULY
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