Losing my virginity to my beloved teddy bear was the most incredible experience I could imagine, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
guess who borrowed a nook from work again!!!
more porn for goodreads! you’re welcome!
so. teddy bear porn.
teddy. bear. porn.
once upon a time, there was a girl who loved her teddy bear, fred. no, she looooved him, see? so she took her mother’s dildo out of the drawer, and with a few adjustments embarked upon an erotic adventure that was (hopefully) one-of-a-kind and inspired the above quote.
full disclosure: freddie needs to be dry-cleaned afterward. there is quite a lot of blood and, you know, other fluids. oh, dear…
but naturally it is wholly satisfying to both participants, and she continues her erotic journey over the course of time, with new bears as mere men fail to satisfy her. (i’m not sure what the time-frame is on this book, or if she ever returned her poor unsatisfied mother’s dildo.)
and one plushie is never enough:
I noticed my stuffed cat, Cassie, looked particularly turned on. She was watching the action excitedly, and I didn’t want her to be left out.
uh-oh – can someone say stuffed threesome!!
but wait! that’s not all!!!
what happens when our heroine gets a job in a toy store!!!???
There was this stuffed monkey that kept attracting my attention every time I walked past it
oh, it’s on, baby!
it turns out to be a baaaad monkey who needs to have its vinyl ass spanked.
but even though the store is closed, and the door is locked – the assistant manager has a key! oh noes! caught in the act!
“Watching you is pretty damned hot,” he said. “I think the monkey is being very bad again.”
and guess what?? he has a similar fetish and they go at it *near* each other – she with her bad monkey and he with a cat and a polar bear. i guess that counts as an orgy?
in any case, those toys are no longer fit for a child to buy. they have seen too much.
so,it is pretty much amazing. and while i do not know what it means for a cunt to tingle angrily, i am willing to concede that it could be a side effect of humping stuffed animals, and will therefore remain an unexperienced sensation. i’m cool with that.