Dodgeball High by Bradley Sands
My rating: 4/5 cats
dodge THIS!!
welcome to dodgeball, bizarro-style.
here’s the opener:
The first thing you should know about me is that I am very handsome, nice, smart, athletic, and funny. Basically, I’m the coolest kid on the planet. And I’ve even got the coolest name in the universe.
Are you ready for it?
It’s…
Justin Lucas.
Whoa, I flip out a little every time I think about it.
justin lucas is what you might call …confident. and why shouldn’t he be?? he is all of the above, he’s got a marvelous mustache, the most awesome collection of novelty t-shirts ever, says cool words like “tarnation,” and he’s basically god’s gift.
he has just transferred from his old high school in orlando (where he was the most popular kid, naturally) to finish out his senior year at one of the best schools in new jersey: lungville high. he’s ready to kick ass and take names, to be the center of everyone’s attention and admiration.
he muses: Sometimes it’s really hard being the coolest kid on the planet.
poor justin lucas.
especially since some of the kids at this new school don’t seem to recognize how very cool justin lucas is, and that they are lucky to even be attending the same classes as he is. classes like the history of dodgeball, dodgeball lit, psychology of dodgeball and yoga. see, lungville high, one of the best schools in new jersey, is completely structured around dodgeball. and all the kids there are a little strange. chicks in three-piece suits smoking cigars, kids with mohawks and skull-patched jackets, kids who stab other kids.
because this isn’t your pansy-ass momma’s dodgeball
it’s not even the kind of dodgeball you might still have nightmares about
this is full contact, no holds barred dodgeball, and killing someone is just smart strategy.
things are about to get dodgy.
will justin find himself on the winning team? will he get the girl? will he get to the bottom of his family’s secret legacy? will he learn where meat comes from? will he catch his parents in the most compromising situation ever? will he crack up over the word “tutu?” will he say things like
Those guys are probably gonna watch child pornography after this and kiss each other’s dodgeballs.
I didn’t really mean their dodgeballs. More like their testicles. I was trying to be hilarious. And I succeeded, because I am hilarious.
will he ever have a single moment of self-doubt??
only one way to find out! well, two i guess. you could read it or you could ask someone who has read it. but you should read it.
as a quick aside, this book reminded me of Sideways Stories from Wayside School. that book creeped me out as a kid, and i like to think that this is what those kids grew up to be.
fun fun bloody fun
