Color Quest Animals: Extreme Challenges to Complete and Color by John Woodcock
My rating: 4/5 cats
WELCOME TO NOVEMBER PROJECT! november project is OVER!
dear lord, another coloring project. but after i did the non-animal version of this book, Color Quest: Extreme Coloring Challenges to Complete back in june, i knew i wanted to do the all-animal one, because fuzzies! i’ll follow the same structure as the first review, and i hope i make it through the month without too much color-induced stress.
NOVEMBER 1
well, so much for that. i wanted fuzzies, and instead i got…no fuzzies. THANKS A LOT, BOOK! 29 more days, guys. will my markers and mind be up to the challenge?
NOVEMBER 2
you guys, what if there are NEVER any fuzzies? i feel like i am being monkeyed with by this book, only—no monkeys!
NOVEMBER 3
i am already behind on this project! that is, on posting it; i dutifully completed my coloring assignment last night, but sean of the house has been planted at desk ever since, so it’s his fault you had to wait to see these fluorescent fuzzies! finally! three cheers for mammals! suck it, birds!
NOVEMBER 4
well, that’s what i get for bellowing “suck it, birds!” birds will never suck it, as they have no lips. nor will they metaphorically suck it, as they have no fear nor shame nor decency nor sense of fair play in allowing creatures other than birds to be represented in this coloring book. bribists, all of ’em.
NOVEMBER 5
this one might not be fuzzy, but at least he’s a little cutie and not some head-pooping, eyeball-pecking bird…
NOVEMBER 6
i’m amending my GIVE ME FUZZIES plea, because this thing isn’t fuzzy, but i luvs him anyway.
NOVEMBER 7
YOU GUYS! IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED! SO FUZZY! SO MAMMALIAN! SUCH A NOBLE BEAST! HAVE WE TURNED A CORNER HERE?
NOVEMBER 8
and here we are again. learning life’s lesson: everything is birds.
NOVEMBER 9
this book is propaganda from the “exterminate all the mammals” party. ALL HAIL THE GASTROPOD!
NOVEMBER 10
am i just choosing these poorly, or does this book have a strict no-mammal policy? what are the odds? what is this wooorld?
NOVEMBER 11
is this a dream? or is this a sloth? or is this just the skin of a slaughtered sloth wrapped around a gaggle of trickster birds and fish and buggy things to fool me?
NOVEMBER 12
uh-oh. i have a guess at where all the mammals went. birds are tasty, too, mizz teef! back off the mammals!
NOVEMBER 13
i mean, at some point we’re going to run out of bird species, right? and other kinds of creatures will have to be acknowledged by this book? how many different kinds of birds are there? probably more than thirty, i suppose. this might be all i ever get to color. nothing but wings and beaks and malice.
NOVEMBER 14
ok, i can live with this. he may not be cuddly, but he’s got personality. i’d hang out with him. i still use “he” as the default pronoun, even though it is unfashionable.
NOVEMBER 15
many creatures here, but it looks like all the mammals’ invitations got lost in the mail. in the whale? <–in the fail
NOVEMBER 16
do you remember when things existed that weren’t birds? nah, me neither…
NOVEMBER 17
this is a sneaky move by the audubon cultists. i live in north america, where these things are called ladybugs, but elsewhere, they are called ladybirds, thus racking up another member of the all-bird army that is this book. shenanigans!
NOVEMBER 18
assisting the bird mafia in the battle to erode my sanity is the wily green-marker party, forcing me to look through my scattered marker sets to find every shade of green there is, even though so many of them are too close to even tell apart on here. i do my best.
NOVEMBER 19
now i KNOW this book is messing with me. sure, it finally gives me a mammal, but it’s the ONLY mammal in the world more devious and wicked than a bird. you just wait, the next round of sexual misconduct accusations are going to come straight outta sea world.
NOVEMBER 20
WOOHOO! a monday-before-thanksgiving miracle! a mammal, and a proper one! sure, it’ll eat a careless person, but it will not force anyone into a mating situation, and so three cheers to you, noble beast! and i have taken lena’s advice about choosing my own colors. not all of them, just a couple of tiptoes into free will. maybe this is why i got a mammal-reward?
NOVEMBER 21
i feel like we’re backsliding here! but at least it’s better than some head-pooping wing’ed dinosaur that forgot to go extinct.
NOVEMBER 22
oh, the KITTY! i took more liberties with the colors on this one, so he’s a little pretty in pink panther. i really need to learn how to photograph these better. i can’t line these up worth a damn. someday i will be good at things.
NOVEMBER 23
happy thanksgiving, motherducker! this is the day i get to eat a bird who has done me wrong! oh, and in case you were wondering about the size of this book, and unsure if i was exaggerating when i called it huge, here is what it looks like alongside my 19-lb turkey.
it is no joke! these pages take time, boy!
NOVEMBER 24
awww, lookit that FACE! oh, he is very grumpy. probably the birds keep stealing his fruits. and plucking at his jowl-fur.
NOVEMBER 25
and back to birds once more. these birds are okay, i guess. flightless birds are comical and these guys are awfully well-dressed, and i even got to use my shiny silver sharpie to color ’em in, because i’m so over rules.
it is two days into december and i am finally coming here to post the last few days of this project, which is so against the rules of monthly projects. unfortunately, i fell ill the saturday after thanksgiving; the day i posted those fancy silver birds, and i was more or less a koffing sweatblob for five days. which is not like me, built like ox and all, accustomed to 24-hour bugs followed by triumphant recoveries. but now that my sleep and diet are all messed up, i have become vulnerable to disease. and i’m still not right a week later; all i do is cough and ache, but at least i can walk around a bit, as frail-limbed and feeble as it is. SO, the coloring was not as big a priority as netflix n’ nyquil. but it’s done now. and wouldn’t you know it, THIS is where all the damn mammals were hiding! and i’m about to run out of room, so let’s speed-date it: five days, five mammals, zero commentary.
NOVEMBER 26
NOVEMBER 27
NOVEMBER 28
NOVEMBER 29
NOVEMBER 30
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