so for all of you who have been questioning my stance on birds and how they are evil
yeah. now you’re willing to listen, aren’t you??
this book delights me.
it’s just a collection of illustrations of various horrible winged creatures with accompanying stories declaring itself to be a reference guide to be consulted in the event of an infant or small child being torn apart by a murder of crows.
because it’s going to happen, make no mistake.
for such small little things, they sure do get lippy (beaky?)
and always with the threats.
and this particular one:
comes with the following chilling story:
“I’ve taken an eye from a cat for every hummingbird brother and sister lost to their feline featherlust. And I’ll take them until the burning furnace of rage that flares in my breast dies like the implosion of a sun. Until then, cat blindness will increase incrementally until every goddamned cat on the block is walking in circles.”
and you do not want to know what the hens did to the dog in a later story.
birds do not mess around. and even though you might think they are all pretty with their colors and tweetings and their adorably disgusting behavior,
generally, creatures that exhibit that degree of drunkenly inappropriate and antisocial behavior are the ones you need to fear the most.
don’t say i haven’t been warning you all for years.
oh my god and look at these other books he has of evil bird paintings. i adore them i neeeed them: