Preparedness 101: A Zombie Pandemic by Bob Hobbs
My rating: 2/5 cats
lies! propaganda! not
at all!!
i read greg’s review of this back when he posted it and thought to myself, “the next time i am procrastinating paper-writing, i shall read this.”
and that day has come, friends…to my detriment and your benefit.
because this is all mendacity! this doesn’t tell you anything about the coming zombie plague! it is all just a trick to get you to make a go-bag should anything else large-scale and horrific happen, not specifically zombie in origin. which is useful advice, truly, but i want to know about which zombie-specific items should go in that go-bag!! does bug-repellent work? what about CK one?? what is the CDC not telling us??
they show the gentleman preparing his go-bag, and he is packing potato chips and a ball for his dog. people—potato chips are not armageddon-food. unless you are just giving up. potato chips are not even food, they are an accompaniment you eat with food for added crunch. i love them, but they will not sustain you in the zombie apocalypse. and if you are playing ball with your dog while zombies are taking over, you are dead, plain and simple. your doggie will get enough exercise RUNNING AWAY FROM FREAKING ZOMBIES!!!
pack smarter bags, seriously.
and it is interesting what is omitted from the suggested contents of your go-bag. because any “all-hazards emergency kit” that doesn’t remind you to pack a can opener is just basically telling you to go starve to death. HAVE YOU NEVER READ A YA SURVIVAL NOVEL, CDC??
can opener, can opener, can opener.
before, i was all “damn, the CDC has enough downtime to hire an artist to create a graphic novel illustrating what to do in an imaginary situation. are they just another front like NASA??”
but now, i have my doubts…
i think they know just what they are doing…
soon, they will have all the can openers. and we will all have to stand in a line in the georgia heat, clutching our cans of chickpeas and creamed corn.
“please, CDC, i just want to make a shepherd’s pie…”
but not me.
i got it all worked out.
and i am a champion procrastinator.
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