Never Flirt with Puppy Killers: And Other Better Book TitlesNever Flirt with Puppy Killers: And Other Better Book Titles by Dan Wilbur
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when i discovered this tumblr a few years back:, i went nuts, cackling with nerdish laughter and i ended up using a couple of my favorites as the laziest of all book reviews on here – giving credit where credit was due, naturally. and like all the best (and many of the worst) things on the internet, now there’s a book version of it. a book, which, along with Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters, is the perfect gift for your book-loving friends.

this book contains 91 examples from the site, which, since you can see them online for free, i don’t feel bad reposting here. but you should totally buy the book. buy two copies, and give one to someone who needs a laugh.

the selections cover contemporary titles:

Gone Girl


Alice in Wonderland

oooold classics:

The Bacchae


Portnoy’s Complaint


The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America

children’s books:

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

some are warnings

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

some are just saying what we’re all thinking:

The Westing Game

some of them make me want to read the book in order to understand the joke

The Mitten

My Brilliant Friend

but mostly, they’re just what they claim to be: better, more honest book titles:


The Elements of Style

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

 photo IMG_2524_zpsdftenx26.jpg

there are some books with multiple “new” titles on the site, for example:


is the one published in the book, although this one, on the site only, is also great

and unlike the site, none of the titles featured here give away any spoilers

unless this is one. i haven’t read the book, so i don’t know

A Walk to Remember

View Spoiler »

and MAYBE these:

I Want My Hat Back

View Spoiler »

The Picture of Dorian Gray

View Spoiler »

but there are some on the site that are way worse with their spoilery spoilers. like this one, which is a pretty major spoiler, so just do NOT, unless you have read the book.

Jude the Obscure

View Spoiler »

and yes, that one is my favorite ever.

but i enjoy how these titles really get to the heart of the books with brevity

The Iliad

and snark

The Age of Innocence

and stuff white people say

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

i hope some of these gave you chuckles, and if you yourself have any ideas for better book titles, he accepts submissions here: dwilbs [at] gmail [dot] com, so get thinking! and let me know if any of yours make it onto the site so i can link to them!

i’ll leave you with one more snort-giggle:

The Indian in the Cupboard

read my reviews on goodreads

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