Cum For Bigfoot by Virginia Wade
you have to admire someone who has gone through the romance aisle of their bookstore with a checklist: “regency, regency, regency, navy seals, nascar, vampire, sheikh, billionaire, scot, tycoon, firefighter, cowboy, cop (all the village people amply represented)
doctor, boss, shapeshifter, art historian…
what is missing?
and the answer is “bigfoot,” naturally.
hot stuff.
so i kind of have to three-star the sheer audacity of it – to write a serious, non-campy bigfoot porn. that’s what’s so amazing – this is not funny. its treatment is purely serious, with the humor only manifesting itself in the pre-bigfoot moments of innocent camping* and lighthearted girl-to-girl sextalk. three girls, three guys, and a stepfather chaperone. there are some nervous sexual tension and underaged jack daniels-fueled giggles. after that – the abduction of the three girls by an old woman and her “son” leonard the bigfoot is treated like hostel; where the porn world meets the horror world. and it’s not at all bad. i mean, it is, obviously, but it is not unenjoyable even if, like me, you tend to sorta skim the genital-scenes. i don’t need to close-read pre-orgasm pillow talk for deeper literary meaning, and that stuff is always more likely to make me laugh than to make me… anything else.
there were many difficulties and obstacles standing in the way of me reading this book – the store-loaner nook has a tendency to delete downloaded books at will** (THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN WITH THE REGULAR NON-STORE-ACCOUNT NOOKS – THE NOOK IS A FINE PRODUCT) and it deleted this one three times before i was ready to actually sit down with it. the second time, connor downloaded cum for bigfoot 2, 3, and 4, suggesting that i get all of them because if i got to the end of the first part, and there was a cliffhanger, i would be anxious to not know what happened next. i assured him i would be all right, and when nook ate them again, i only downloaded the first one. and guess what?
fucking cliffhanger.
so i don’t know what is going to be-cum of these girls and the monsters that have abducted them, but i bet that it is going to be sexy…
thank you to lizzie for tipping me off to this book’s existence. if there are more interesting-sounding hookups out there (but what are the odds,right?)let me know. unicorn porn (uniporn??),hippogriff porn,wombat porn, whatever – i will be your guinea pig (guinea pig porn??)
*okay, it is not entirely innocent – she does bang the stepfather-chaperone, but at least it isn’t her stepfather this time, right??
**and this is why i am unable to share any direct quotations with you, because they have all been subsumed into the crazyland of nook-memory…
