I Could Pee on This, Too: And More Poems by More Cats by Francesco Marciuliano
My rating: 4/5 cats
There is a word
We cats have
When we want to say “Thank you.”
But none of us can remember it
CAT CONFESSION
yup, this dude managed to squeeze another book outta this concept: pets writing poems. and since i’ve read all of them so far, i figured i had to check this one out as well! as always, my version of reviewing these is to copy out my favorite poems and seek out accompanying GIFs from internet, even though i see that some of the ones i added to the other books have vanished. so, get ’em while you can, i guess! i will try to replace those missing images because it bugs me when things get rooned, but it’s not as though looking at cute pictures on the internet is a hardship or anything (although it does somehow take much longer to do these kinds of reviews that ones with actual words. but totally worth it, because cats!)
so, here we go! more cats, writing more poems!
I’m Sorry
I’m sorry I knocked
That giant pot of pasta sauce
All over your kitchen
But in my defense
I’ve already forgotten why you’re upset
Hey, are those floor meatballs for me?
I Watch
I watch you sleep
I watch you eat
I watch you read
I watch you walk
I watch you in the shower
I watch you get dressed
I watch you from a distance
I watch you from behind a curtain
And I watch you knowing
If i were a human
I’d be in jail and not on your lap
You Are the Last Person
You are the last person
I would ever want to hurt
Twice
Today
So get your act together
And stop trying to take me off the bed
Why?
My eyes go dim
My limbs go slack
My mind goes blank
While you smile like a lunatic
While you press me to your face
While you take another selfie
And I take a moment to discover
A camera really can steal one’s soul
Possession
I’m sorry
But I didn’t realize
That after the life we’ve built together
After everything we’ve shared
After I’ve given you my world
You still see us
In terms of what is yours
What is mine
And whatever is placed between two slices
of bread
Is suddenly not just anyone’s for the taking
Gratitude
I can’t thank you enough
For everything you’ve done for me
Apparently
Because you can’t stop asking
For another show of affection
Sit
You need this piece of paper?
Here, let me sit on it
You need to write in this notepad?
I think I’ll sit on it
You want to read this magazine?
Oh, I will sit on this
You hope to use your laptop?
I’ll fall asleep across your keyboard
Until my drool shorts out your shift key
Because when I control the means of
communication
I control your world
You Also Live Here
It’s come to my attention
That you also live here
Which makes all that cleaning you do
Far less thoughtful
Assassin
When I kill a bug
You thank me
When I kill a mouse
You thank me
So when I kill your plants
Instead of shouting
“My orchids! My prize-winning orchids!”
Say, “Thank you
For killing then before they kill us”
Because I know what I am doing
And heads up, I don’t really trust your bird
Splash
Splash
Splatter
Slosh
Tip spill flood
And yet again
I show the water bowl who’s boss
And you who’s bored
Little Hat
If you make me wear
A little hat
You might as well get me
A little shirt
And little pants
And the deed to your property
Because dressing as a human
Is when the pigs in “Animal Farm”
Took control of everything
Canary
I want the canary in that cage
I want the canary in that cage
I want the canary in that cage
OH DEAR LORD
CAN THAT BIRD FIGHT BACK!
I MEAN OW OW OW HOLY HELL!
OW!!!
Sigh
I want the cheese on that plate
and just to give this situation a happy ending, here’s another one:
evil birds get what they deserve!
There’s a Toy on My Head
There’s a toy on my head
You know there’s a toy on my head
You placed the toy on my head
You’re taking pictures of the toy on my head
You’re laughing
There’s now an idea in my head
You put that idea in my head
Soon you won’t be laughing at all
I guess this is how every revolution starts
One poorly placed cloth octopus at a time
Season to Taste
Parsley
Sage
Rosemary
Thyme
Cat hair
Cat hair
Cat hair
Are the basic ingredients
Of any kitchen
With low counters
here are the other books in the series, linked to my reviews, if you wanna see more pictures (and occasionally, an “image error,” dammit.)
I Could Pee on This And Other Poems by Cats
I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems by Dogs
I Knead My Mommy: And Other Poems by Kittens
You Need More Sleep: Advice from Cats
Claw the System: Poems from the Cat Uprising
read my book reviews on goodreads
