review

THE THING ON THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD – MOLLY TANZER

By karen t. brissette

Posted on December 27, 2018

The Thing On The Cheerleading Squad by Molly Tanzer
My rating: 4/5 cats
One Star

WELCOME TO DECEMBER PROJECT!

boilerplate mission statement intro:

for the past two years, i’ve set december’s project aside to do my own version of a short story advent calendar. it’s not a true advent calendar since i choose all the stories myself, but what it lacks in the ‘element of surprise’ department it more than makes up for in hassle, as i try to cram even MORE reading into a life already overcrammed with impossible personal goals (live up to your potential! find meaningful work! learn to knit!) merry merry wheee!

since i am already well behind in my *regular* reviewing, when it comes to these stories, whatever i poop out as far as reflections or impressions are going to be superficial and perfunctory at best. please do not weep for the great big hole my absented, much-vaunted critical insights are gonna leave in these daily review-spaces (and your hearts); i’ll try to drop shiny insights elsewhere in other reviews, and here, i will at least drop links to where you can read the stories yourselves for free, which – let’s be honest – is gonna serve you better anyway.

HAPPY READING, BOOKNERDS!

links to all stories read in previous years’ calendars can be found at the end of these reviews, in case you are a person who likes to read stories for free:

2016: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show…
2017: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show…

scroll down for links to this year’s stories which i will update as we go, and if you have any suggestions, send ’em my way! the only rules are: it must be available free online (links greatly appreciated), and it must be here on gr as its own thing so i can review it. thank you in advance!

DECEMBER 27

Veronica, mindful of her Bible Camp pledge, tried to forgive Asenath for her antics — she really did — but it became increasingly difficult, given how her cousin seemed to want nothing more than to shock the whole school. Every day, she came in wearing a different appalling outfit — tweed blazers and slacks, Hawaiian shirts and brightly-colored shorts, leather jackets and jeans — and with some new girl on her arm, inevitably giggling like it wasn’t social and spiritual suicide for her to go out with a woman. Veronica was mortified, and the worst part was, she didn’t even have cheering as a respite. Whenever Asenath showed up in her mascot’s outfit to practice, the girls went crazy, mobbing her like she was the captain of the football team. Veronica thought that was sick, but she couldn’t say anything — Beth, the team captain, had gone out with Asenath a few times. “She’s the best-looking boy in school,” was her only comment when Veronica remarked on the queerness of it all.

Interestingly enough, for once, the cheerleaders were in the minority in terms of popular opinion; they might coo over Asenath, but the rest of Miskatonic High did not. Girls whispered whenever she walked by; guys shouted epithets. Veronica sensed Asenath was enjoying the attention and would have been more than happy to let Asenath reap what she sowed, just like in Galatians … except Asenath’s refusal to act normally began to reflect poorly on her.

dear authors, if you’re going to rewrite a lovecraft story (here, The Thing on the Doorstep), and you want me to like it (and you should, because i have become a pretty glum person and it would be nice if the world would unite in trying to cheer me up), be sure to set it in an early-90’s high school (miskatonic high!!) and pepper it with references to caboodles and off-the-shoulder esprit sweaters and dj jazzy jeff (and that other guy) and twin peaks and members only jackets. that will make your story so much better. you can even throw in all that lovecraftian stuff about yawning pits of despair, and i will put aside my usual complaints about how tedious i find the ineffable, as long as you mention wayfarers and walkmans (walkmen?) and handi-snacks (oh, my!), especially if it seems like you also might be tongue-in-cheeking it a little in your descriptions of said ineffability:

She was somewhere that was nowhere, standing at the edge of something that was nothing. Inside the nothing was more nothing, but a denser nothing that writhed — and laughed.

in short, this is one of the veryfew lovecraft homages i have enjoyed, and while i’m not sure i would necessarily enjoy the rest of the anthology from which it comes, She Walks in Shadows, i do kind of dig that it’s an all-female collection, since lovecraft’s whole thing was misogyny, racism, homophobia and tentacles. take back the fright, &yadda.