Labial Linguistics by Arthur Graham
My rating: 4/5 cats
what better way to celebrate mother’s day than with a copy of labial linguistics? or with something called finally broken forever, which i was supposed to read and then didn’t because i am a schmuck? come to arthur’s book sale/giveaway and celebrate the place you emerged from your dear mother and caused her great pain and probably some naughty words!
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog…
arthur graham is back with more potty-mouthed, surreal filth! but don’t worry, there are also numerous pop culture references (although none of them are more current than 20 years or so ago, providing a second reason this probably wouldn’t work as a kindergarten storytime read-aloud, which is a shame, since that seems to be the author’s maturity level).
i love how all the reviews i write for this guy just devolve into roasts. he brings it out in me, which is inexplicable, him being such a lovely person and all. fuck it – i’m not gonna change my steez this late in the game!
eat a bag of dicks, graham!!
oh, right – review
Apt. C
i, myself, live in apt c. (well, apt c-3, if you’re gonna get all precise about it), and this story really made me look around my place, wondering… View Spoiler »
1987
i am ashamed to say how hard i laughed at this story. clearly arthur graham is resentful of the successful published poet billy corgan
wheee, i wrote a book!
what’s next, graham?? are you going to go after that other supremely talented poet michael madsen?
but, yeah. this one made me genuinely lol, and i really loved the slow-burning bromance underlying this story of sex, drugs, violence, rodents, and chronological displacement. but hell, i love any story that ends in a threesome.
and he taught me what an eiffel tower was. in a specific context. so again – gratitude to the author.
Q&A
in which the author once again responds to his fans and critics, and even spouts some poetry, proving my point about how jelly he is of billy corgan. but it’s not all softball questions – there’s some diane sawyer-caliber grilling here as graham discusses his views on both satanism AND mormonism, politics, the gays, and his own pretentiousness, and delivers truisms like We all fall eventually, probably while staring off into the distance, stroking his chin-stubble.
or making this pose:
I Want It to be Understood That I Don’t Care About Being Understood
subtext: he cares. deeply. he wants to be loved. love him, already.
Euphemistic Solipsistic
this was another story in which i learned something! arthur graham is one hell of an educator! and i think it’s horrible that there are people out there steering their children away from him, as we learned two chapters ago, from the mouths of babes:
“my mommy said I’m not supposed to talk to you.”
that kid will probably grow up only knowing three or four different slang expressions for a woman’s genitals, and here i am, at my advanced age, STILL LEARNING, thanks to arthur graham. ninja boot! who knew?
That Scene in Jaws Where They’re in the Water with the Fake Shark but a Real Shark Shows Up and Eats Richard Dreyfus and What About Bob Winds up Starring John Lithgow Instead
i myself, despise the movie What About Bob, even though sean of the house loves it. or maybe because sean of the house loves it. regardless, it’s terrible, but i gotta say, this alt-universe version intrigues me, and it plays to my love of monsterporn, so if there’s a reel of this floating around, hook a sister up.
The Gay Agenda
life lesson: sometimes, the truth is very disappointing. even if you learn it while sitting on the toilet.
Some Nights I Feel Just Like Harvey Keitel, All Strung Out and Stumbling Around Naked, But Then I Remember that I’m Just a Mediocre Author and Not a Bad Lieutenant
this is what it’s like to be in arthur graham’s head: stream-of consciousness musings that end up bashing another rock and roll legend. why you such a hater, graham?
The Great Zima Heist, Part 2 (Or, Travel-Sized Toiletries)
this pretty much sums up the central themes of graham’s oeuvre: big trucks, bigfoot, essplosions, tinfoil hat conspiracy theories, guns, car chases, a cock that saves the day, and some questionable spank-bank imagery, like the unholy cinematic bastard child of michael bay and woody allen.
i imagine zima pairs well with popcorn.
i thank you for sending me this book, dr. graham!
i really learned a lot about life and love and what not to do to a sasquatch while he is pooping. which is more than i learn from most books.
