I Speak Fluent Giraffe: Nyarlathotep, I’m Breaking Up with YouI Speak Fluent Giraffe: Nyarlathotep, I’m Breaking Up with You by Jason Henninger
My rating: 4/5 cats
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You said you were like from Egypt and I was all, “Oh, how cool.” Even though I was thinking, like, I know a guy from Egypt. His name is Abdul. That’s a real name. I mean, Nyarlathotep? Dude, how made up is that? But love blinded me to the stupidness of your name. Or deafened me. Whatever.

i was trying to find a spoooooky short for spooktober, but instead i found this snarkin’-on-lovecraft piece that is part rant/part poem, like all of the best break-up missives.

this is nyarlathotep:

and if you’re unfamiliar, as i was, with his whole deal, here’s a quick lesson.

this is a SHORT short; about the length of time it would take to eat two “funsize” candy bars outta your halloween sack (unless there’s caramel involved, slowing down your chawing), and it’s just a silly and goofy little nugget about breaking off a relationship with a partner whose already got enough minions.

I once thought you were so exotic
tall and swarthy and erotic
but now I see you’re just despotic,
creepy-crawly and chaotic.

still, breaking up is hard to do, even with a supernatural flautist, and this one might need another poem to make it stick.

swipe left on this hottie, he’s just gonna break your heart.

read it for yourself here:…

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