Annabel by Kathleen Winter
My rating: 4/5 cats
this book is lovely, but it is a mostly subdued novel about an intersexed child raised as a boy, whose fully operational vagina is sewn up at birth and kept a secret from him until a little health issue brings it to light. this is not a broad, epic tale like Middlesex. it is a subtle, lonely story that takes place in a remote part of canada where men provide for their families by trapping game, and women sew and raise both their vegetables and their children quietly.
wayne is raised as a boy, because the length of his penis at birth qualifies him to be male, but his shadow self, annabel, keeps coming to light. he is not the son his traditionally masculine father treadway wanted, and so becomes a constant disappointment and enigma to him, while his mother jacinta regrets having decided to force a gender upon him in the first place:
Everything Treadway refused to imagine, Jacinta imagined in detail enough for the two of them. Whereas he struck out on his own to decide how to erase the frightening ambiguity of their child, she envisioned living with it as it was. She imagined her daughter beautiful and grown up, in a scarlet satin gown, her male characteristics held secret under the clothing for a time when she might need a warrior’s strength and a man’s potent aggression. Then she imagined her son as a talented, mythical hunter, his breasts strapped in a concealing vest, his clothes the green of striding forward, his heart the heart of a woman who could secretly direct his path in the ways of intuition and psychological insight. Whenever she imagined her child, grown up without interference from a judgemental world, she imagined its male and female halves as complementing each other, and as being secretly, almost magically powerful. It was the growing up part she did not want to imagine. The social part, the going to school in Labrador part, the jeering part, the what will we tell everyone part, the part that asks how will we give this child so much love it will know no harm from the cruel reactions of people who do not want to understand.
despite his parents’ unavoidable mistakes in wayne’s upbringing, they are well-intentioned people. treadway experiences a great deal of frustration whenever his son exhibits behavior he interprets as “girly,” but apart from one unfortunate act, he mostly bottles up his feelings of confusion and dismay, staying away from home longer and longer on his trapline, leaving wayne alone with his mother, and the few people with whom wayne has managed to form connections.
these supporting cast characters are also pretty phenomenal, and both offer wayne a sort of inspirational role model that will help him in his understanding of himself, as he struggles to determine what is right for him. thomasina, who was the midwife at wayne’s birth, and later a teacher at his school, is a woman who yearns to see the world after the death of her husband and daughter. she is fed up with the smallness of her life, and takes her destiny into her own hands, carving her own path through life. wally is the childhood bestie of wayne. she is the girl who shines; the one everyone wants to be around who oozes specialness and promise. wayne loves her, wants to be her, wants to be with her, in this mishmash of conflicting and confusing emotions that all add up to him simply needing to be in her presence. circumstances drive them apart, and further circumstances drop a huge obstacle in wally’s path, but special girls always have huge inner resources and indomitable spirits, and wayne is paying attention.
wayne’s female traits keep asserting themselves throughout his lifetime, and eventually he becomes aware of the circumstances of his birth. this knowledge will lead him on a puzzling journey of self-discovery, full of contemplation, inner turmoil, and danger, until finally he manages to find a solution that, while it seems like it might only be a temporary crutch, will hopefully also provide him with the confidence and self-awareness that will sustain him long-term.
again, not a plot-driven narrative. there are beautiful location-descriptions, and plenty of insightful meditations on identity and purpose, and a great deal of struggle and acceptance. treadway becomes a magnificent character, after some initial readerly misgivings, but overall, this is a beautiful book that takes its time in the telling, but is certainly worth it.
