Life Guards in the Hamptons by Celia Jerome
My rating: 2/5 cats
i don’t think i have ever had less to say about a book.
i read this under circumstances pretty much guaranteed to distract me from the book, but the book wasn’t doing me any favors as far as trying to hold my attention, so we both contributed to our failure.
oh, by the way—i haven’t written a book review in days and days, and i have nothing substantive to say about this book, so if you are one of these people who are going to attack me for “not writing about the book,” you can pretty much stop reading here and feel secure in your assessment of me as a reviewer. this is just going to be my “welcome back to goodreads” easing back into review. later, i will be re-reviewing a different book, and it will be all about the book, and you guys can go wander over there if you want. this space is going to just be “karen’s journey with this book”
so.
this is another punishment from the bodice-rippers group. but this one i brought upon myself. i was in charge of selecting the books for the monthly poll. i tried to cast a wide net, to please the rippers. i chose an mma-themed romance, one with a clone, a self-pub mythological romance, a fantasy/romance genre blend, and one which was supposed to be the absolute worst romance ever written. and this.
this one caught my eye because i misread the back-cover copy and i thought the love-interest was a sea god, and having always had a little crush on poseidon, i was intrigued.
but it is not about love with a sea-god. sea-god is the enemy. and it isn’t sexy poseidon, anyway.
so here are the book’s contributions to our failures:
– it is the fourth in a series. perhaps i missed something in the earlier books that would have led to a more loving relationship with this book, but—oops.
– the protagonist is just another weight-conscious female who has many many men interested in her, but she is having commitment issues and pushing away the one she really likes because of silly logistics.
– boring writing. how can a town full of people with magical powers be boring, you ask? well, it is.
– “cannot” and “do not.” this bothers me. contractions are nice! your character is a graphic illustrator for the teen market, dresses sloppily and eats cream puffs and cake pretty much constantly. she’s not a stuffy person. this is just a jarring tic, to me.
my contributions to the book’s failure:
– i was on vacation when i read this. not fun relaxing vacation—i do not have those. but weird stressful lonely vacation. so frequently when it was reading time, i was distracted/tipsy/exhausted. i tried reading this by the pool and instead became fascinated by this giant grasshopper and concerned for its safety. i tried reading this in my hotel room and was concerned about strange noises and ghosts and where that other door led. i tried reading this outside and was distracted by the novelty of incoming texts and professional failures. i was tired, so tired. i was lonesome.
but i really believe that i could have been compelled to forget all of that if the book were more engaging. it was just fluff to me.
i wish i had something more interesting to say about it, but i don’t, because it was never interesting enough to say anything about.
sorry, bitches…
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