The Face on the Milk Carton (Janie Johnson, #1)The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline B. Cooney
My rating: 2/5 cats
One StarOne Star

so i had to read this for the “banned books” portion of my teen r/a class, and i am convinced that this wasn’t banned by parents or terrible librarians, but by the students themselves who were like, “noooooo, don’t make us read this!! it is soooo ba-zoring!!!”

because it is. truly.

this could have been a five page book. “oh shit, i was kidnapped when i was three?? let me ask my ‘parents,’ and if they are not forthcoming with the info, then i will go to the library and do some research.”

end of tale.

but nooooooo…she backed off every time it could have gotten interesting. she was playing hard-to-get with this narrative.

“oh, i am here driving by the house of the family from which i was stoled. no, nodrive by real fast while i cover my face…i will reconsider this in the next chapterand stop trying to have sex with mejeez”

“ooh, i have found clues…but i will not think about these clues for three more chapters while i freak out about having been kidnapped and why are you on top of me again??dude!”

“ooh microfilm!! i am now dating my story in the past, but looka news article about me, but I WON’T READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE BECAUSE THEN I WOULD MAKE TOO MUCH SENSE AS A CHARACTER”

and why was such a big deal made of her lactose intolerance and her avoidance of milk and ice cream at the beginning of this book, but her parents are always feeding her pizza? it’s all dairy, bitches!!


i love this lady because she gave me the christina trilogy, but this book was barf.

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