Sew Mini TreatsSew Mini Treats by Klutz
My rating: 5/5 cats
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UPDATE! i am going to be doing TWO projects this month. you can find the other one here!

WELCOME TO AUGUST PROJECT! after much deliberating, i decided on this book, even though it only has 18 projects. there are endless versions of these 18 foodstuffs—different colors, expressions, details, etc.—but still far fewer projects than days in the month. i’m not up to doing one-a-day; sewing after a long and tedious workday is sure to make my eyes small and weary which will lead to needle-punctures and bloody mini treats, but i will do my best startiiiiing…tomorrow.

for now, please enjoy this summer rerun: last year’s food-based klutz project.


AHOY! i have made an EGG!

this is how small he is!

i don’t know why his yolk looks so green in the photos when it is so emphatically yellow here at the home. i did not sew green eggs and ham!

anyway, that is my egg.

the shortest story i have ever written about a CARROT

who’s sleeping in this little vegetable bed?

hello sleepy carrot


the end.

in response to alissa’s request, a freshly baked COOKIE!

for scale, but also low-key bragging that i have A QUARTER!

and now, INTO THE WILD!

an investigation

a quiver, a tremble, preparing for….


time for DONUT!

a healthy sunday brunch

but who’s this making eyes at me?

and now we are married

this PINEAPPLE is going out on the town with me tonight

photos to follow, unless we wind up sleeping it off in the drunk tank…

no drunk tank necessary, but not for lack of trying!

PINEAPPLE sensibly ordered food to go along with his many drinks

and it became quite the party, attended by a couple of human pals

and some other familiar faces

COOKIE had other plans, probably with that squirrel, but he sure missed out on a good time!

some of the partygoers ran into friends of their own

although that meet-up ended somewhat tragically.

AND, in an unexpected august review project crossover event: a callback to the PINEAPPLE & CUCUMBER infusion seen here! allow me to introduce you to THE SKINNY DIPPER*: cucumber infused tequila, fresh pineapple, and fresh cucumber

this was supposed to have pineapple in it, but didn’t, so i guess it’s good i brought my own.

anyway, a good time was had by all, and while there were no embarrassing scenes of public intoxication, pineapple did end up at an orgy later that evening.

i devoured them all (except PINEAPPLE) to avoid a scandal. i am a good friend.

what did YOU do last night?

* other equally silly-named drinks consumed were: watermelon buzz, teeny bikini, ginger fresco, raz-berry tart, and harvest moon margarita.

once upon a time, i set off to market to fetch LEMONS for my posset, where i stumbled upon the weekly produce special. ‘what savings!’, said i, ‘and on such fancy citrus!’ my frugal heart warmed, i filled up my basket and skipped merrily home.

readying the citrons for zesting and juicing, i discovered that one of these fancy fruits seemed…fancier than the others

his aristocratically-pale skin, his little puckered-butthole face seemingly poised for a kiss—could this be a prince cursed by a witch?

shall i kiss him and break the spell and live happily ever after by his side?

fuck no—the recipe called for four lemons, the sale was for four lemons and that’s magic enough—i’m not about to be running back out again in this heat to get another lemon. anyway, the posset turned out great.

moral of the story: princes better start learning how to save themselves because i’m not the hero in anyone’s story.

just me and this guy

and the loneliest fucking birthday

i’m still going to finish this; many photos have been taken. for now, here is A TEASE

draw me like one of yr french girls

okay, i’m going to pause this project, because i don’t have the time right now to make all the remaining projects in this book, and i feel terrible about that, but i will return to it when things clear up a bit and i will at the very least post the ones i’ve made and have been tripping over for the past few weeks.

you’ve already met my saucy BACON, who in turn met my old pal EGG

but what’s this? a carrying case for POP TARTS? so they won’t break when you’re out on the town? what a great idea!

this POP TART might be too small for it, though

i do so love his devious little face.

this guy is my favorite; an apple-cheeked little APPLE.

let’s play william tell!

sheeeeeeeee-it is right, isiah whitlock jr.! william s. burroughs taught me how to play this game OH NO—TOO SOON?

okay, so that’s all i managed to make, but they DID get to go out into the world with me for a birthday meal at the place that makes gigantic liquid nitrogen cocktails, and they had a BUNCH of them

i ordered some food, so they wouldn’t get too drunk

nom nom nom

don’t be shy, there’s plenty for all!

goodbye for now, but i’ll make more friends ASAP, i promise! sorry i dropped the ball on this. ):

read my book reviews on goodreads

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this feels gauche, but when i announced i was starting a blog, everyone assured me this is a thing that is done. i’m not on facebook, i’ve never had a cellphone or listened to a podcast; so many common experiences of modern life are foreign to me, but i’m certainly struggling financially, so if this is how the world works now, i’d be foolish to pass it up. any support will be received with equal parts gratitude and bewilderment.

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